Tell me what you think

How's the new color scheme working? I had a couple complaints that the black background was headache-inducing, so I'm trying something new. Personally, I liked the black...but purple IS a wonderful color in its own right, so we'll see. What do you guys think?

I'm heading out to StL tomorrow for my mom and aunt's 50th birthday, so there may be a brief blog hiatus.

It still weirds me out that Michael Jackson was the same age as my mom when he died. Life is short. Not to mention the Oxyclean guy...also not that old...also dead...and in his sleep too! This is why it's not just a cliche...never go to bed angry.

Stepping down from the pedestal.

Housewarming Party Fun

Before I get into the housewarming party fun, here is the stupid celebrity "news" headline of the day:
Abigail Breslin gets $1 pay raise.

Of course this caught my interest, since she's made several hit movies w/ paychecks closer to the $1-2 million range than the $1-2 range. Apparently she now earns her age ($13) weekly (up from $12) for her allowance from her mom and dad. Her new chore which caused the pay increase? Feeding her cat.

BTW the rest of the news was about the Oxyclean guy's death, Kendra's wedding, Michael Jackson's death and Michael Jackson's family/BET tribute. Actual news. Again.

Also, I'm going to forgo my planned blog about MJ. I think, at this point, it would serve as nothing more than overkill and I've said enough via facebook and private conversations. I hope he has more peace than he ever did on earth. That's it.

The housewarming party was awesome! We had about 30 people, give or take, and it was a blast! Thanks to everyone who came out. I don't think a lot of people understand how much work throwing a party really is. It's all I worked on for almost 2 weeks. Plenty of people made long drives to get here, and we really do appreciate all of you. Luckily, all the food was long gone at the end of the night (too bad Adam and I never got any!)...but strangely enough there were at least 3 cases of beer untouched. Oh darn! :) I think the cleanup is going to be a hell of a lot easier than the set up. How weird is that? Then again, I may be blogging tomorrow about what an asinine statement that was, so we'll see!

Walmart may bankrupt us...

Yesterday's grand total is pretty embarrassing: $347.37

Sadly, I only bought absolute necessities. Well, except for 3 magazines. But even subtracting the magazines (which were discounted because it's Walmart), that only saves $11.

The kinds of things I bought include: folding chairs, food products, small cleaning supplies, spray bottles for vanilla to keep the gnats away, citronella candles, paper plates and etc.

The most expensive thing I purchased was a $10 bag of dog food that I was actually pissed about because they were out of the normal size bag, which means in 2 weeks I'll be back at Walmart buying dog food again. Ugh.

I guess that's the whole point though, isn't it? That's how Walmart makes their money. You go in for bare necessities (and magazines) and even though each thing is relatively inexpensive by itself...you end up in the check out line w/ 95 items in your cart (yes, seriously. 95.) and there's no hope.

They actually had to check my DL and AMEX signatures against the one I signed on the computer screen because I spent "so much." PA-thetic.

I hope to God that I do not have to buy this much shit from Walmart for a looooooooong time.

Walmart

I am getting ready to leave for Walmart.

When I get there, I think I will just hand over a Benjamin at the door, and bend forward. They can (and always do) take it from there.

WHY can't I go there without spending $100? We aren't made of money. It's not like I enjoy being amongst the Wal-martians (Are they not martians? Besides ridge rats, walmart shoppers are the closest thing to aliens I've ever seen)! Not that it takes more than 20 minutes to spend $100 in Super Walmart.

I am going to start chronicling my grand total every time I go to walmart. Maybe by the end of the year I'll have spent so much they'll give me a prize. (My very own pet wal-martian, perhaps?)

Here's the real question. Is it totally necessary to shower before I go? I feel greasy, but I'd fit in with the rest of the wal-martians if I don't...

Landscaping=no little job

The wonderful Marilyn from Hoerr's Nursery came yesterday to take a look at the yard (with nothing but sand), take some measurements and draw up a plan for the front yard landscaping. She was really nice and made me feel much less nervous. Why I was nervous, I don't know...but I was DEFINITELY worried there could be a possible "code brown" incident. Something about the sun really sets me off. Nothing like being overheated and sick to your stomach at the same time. Thankfully I escaped with a landscaping plan and no tummy troubles. TMI? Tough.

Since it was 900 degrees (give or take) with a heat index of 400,000, I invited Marilyn to come inside and do her drawings. She accepted and I watched What Not To Wear while she worked. I love that show. ANYWAY. I explained to her up front that there wasn't much I didn't like (I honestly believed that at the time)...except pink (ok in small doses), Bradford Pear trees (smell like rotten crotch when they bloom--side note: they had these all over Mizzou's campus when I was there...April was a terrible month. You'd think someone might have thought about that before they planted 400 of the rotten bastards.) and dandelions. Why anyone would purposely plant dandelions, I don't know...but the farmer across the road plants ragweed (which I would also have thought impossibly stupid), so I figured I better just put that out there. I'm sure Marilyn had quite a laugh about that.

As it turns out, there are a lot of things I don't like. Wild grasses, shrubs of pretty much any kind, and most yellow flowers. Irises are ok, but the rest, eh...I could do without 'em. Marilyn was very nice and asked me about a couple flowers before she put them in the design (you'd think more designers would do this), and when I brought out the laptop and started googling, well, she thought I was a genius. What can I say? I love her.
Side note: Don't most people do this? Who knows what a viburnum is without google or a horticulture degree?

The only real bump in the road was about half way through the process when she was asking what I "do all day." Ahem. I suppose a lot of people might wonder this since I'm kind of a glorified housewife w/ no kids. It's really not her fault, I guess. It's an honest question, and when I explained some of my hobbies, she dropped it.

Maybe I'm just being defensive and overly sensitive (moi? never.), and I'm not picking on her specifically --she just happened to be the last one to ask me-- but it's a little tiring to have to explain myself constantly, as if I'm doing something wrong by "not working," not to mention IN MY OWN HOUSE to a STRANGER who I AM PAYING. Ugh. Then again, maybe that explains it all right there. Why do I feel like I have to explain myself to anyone, let alone a stranger, in my own house, who I am paying to work for me. I should just be able to say, "nothing and I love it," and not have to say another word. (Even though that's totally not an accurate statement.) I think the common denominator is my own insecurity, but whatever. Is it possible to be happy, believe you are doing the right thing and still be insecure about it? It must be, because that's what's going on, apparently!

On the flip side, I challenge anyone to live on a farm and not "work." When you live amongst your work, you can't just close the door at 5 pm and call it a day. I suppose those who have never experienced it can't quite understand. Come down. I'll let you experience it allllll you want.

Anyway, Marilyn finishes up her design and kinda goes over it with me and mentions she's going to eat at Just Like Home in Manito. I'd told her about the Goofy Ridgians (children of the corn--literally) and warned her to go back the way she came, not take the shortcut on "county road 15" as Adam's buddy calls it.

After Adam looked at the plan, he noticed a lot of bushes, and became concerned that they would cover up a lot of the brick/house and wondered if they could be replaced with something else. Also, there was some wild grass in there which, truthfully, neither of us understood why we'd pay to plant wild grass when there's acres upon acres of CRP wild grass in the back yard. So I was left with the task of calling Marilyn back and explaining all of this via voicemail. I honestly considered trying to figure this out on my own and not even calling her back, because the poor woman worked for 2 hours on the design and he wants to change 50% of it. Either way, I made the call, left the voicemail and waited.

Marilyn called me back this morning with what is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard about the local area. She said, "well, I got your voicemail, but first I just have to tell you that you were right about the people in town!" Now, I'm thinking, why the F did she go to the ridge? I TOLD her what it was like and she is too suburban to handle those ridge rats! As it turns out, she was referring to Manito.

Marilyn did go eat at Just Like Home after she left and said allll the people in there (since they didn't recognize her or the Hoerr's jeep) wanted to know who she was and what she was doing there. When she explained what her job was and that she'd been doing a landscape design they were like...
"You did a design?"
"In this area?"
"In Manito?"
"Was it in town?"
She said no, it was in Topeka.
"Topeka? I live in Topeka! Who was it?"
Naturally she couldn't say without our permission.
"Was it a new house or an old house?"
"I bet it was so and so's house, they just built one."
"What road was it on? Do you remember?"
Naturally, she couldn't remember (who could remember a random country road number?)
"Well, what did she look like?"

Wow. We are the talk of the town and they don't even know who we are. Who knew Chateau de Goofy would be such an overnight sensation? ;)

Celebrity gossip...wow.

I love celebrity gossip, but even I can recognize when it's nothing more than random gossip to fill the pages of People, Us Weekly, OK or whatever magazine. Today's "Latest News!" on People.com (as of the last time I checked):

Ryan O'Neal asks Farrah Fawcett to marry him

Judy Reyes of Scrubs is expecting

Matthew McConaughey and girlfriend are expecting second child

Chris Brown given probation

Farrah Fawcett back in the hospital

Gosselin divorce papers filed

Ok, so we've got 1 marriage proposal, 1 divorce proposal, 2 babies en route, a criminal sentenced and a very famous actress on what is likely her deathbed. All legitimate celebrity news.

Then we have the last "latest news!" of the group:

Marissa Jaret Winokur TRIES to say "no" to fries

Seriously? Is it THAT slow of a news day? The "Craigslist killer" had to appear in court today, but we are talking about an actress who was on Dancing With the Stars putting down the McD's fries?

By the way, I think it's a pretty sad indication of where our country's programming is headed when they mention that Marissa has been on Dancing With the Stars and is the host of the new program "Dance Your Ass Off"...but no mention of her Tony-award-winning role in Hairspray.

Mickey III

You guessed it. Mice (or meeses, as Adam would say) still live in Chateau de Goofy. (Is it too presumptuous to give your own house a name? Do people in Mason County know how to pronounce chateau? And I digress...) Adam says he saw another one, and Bella definitely dug one up for the Jehovah's Witnesses that stopped by a few days ago. Luckily all 4 stayed outside (2 JWs, Bella and her mouse, that is).

Speaking of Jehovah's Witnesses, this was a particularly interesting visit. Last year they stopped by our old house (down the road) when I was the only one home, greasy from working in the yard (ie pissed off that I was alone, dirty, prevented from continuing yard work--if I'd rather continue yard work than talk, you know it's bad--and that I had to deal with these loons anyway) and etc. The lady claimed to be from out of state, visiting a congregation in Pekin, heard how bad the area was, and so they headed our way. Great. She stayed and talked for probably 30 minutes, and nothing I said could shake her. Fast forward to this year.

2 ladies show up (and a dude who stayed in the car that I didn't see until they were leaving -- go figure, men stay in the A/C and drive). I hadn't showered, spent the morning cleaning and dealing w/ the dog's antics (again, pissed off) and didn't want ANYONE to see me in my nasty, smelly state. Oddly enough, I didn't feel bad about smelling like ass for the JWs.

The dog ran out the door w/ her bone (because all new visitors are greeted this way), and the same damn lady from last year is standing at the door, along w/ her taller, older accomplice. They start yammering away about how the lady is from Michigan and just visiting the area, etc etc. Same old song and dance. They even have the exact same book (The Watchtower) full of Bible verses and information. Even though their first question is whether I believe in Jesus as my Savior or as a great man who lived a long time ago, and my answer is that I have gone to church since I was born and do regard Jesus as my Savior, continue to go to church now, and am not a JW, this does not stop her. Motor mouth blabs on and on about how helpful the book is, which I already know since she gave it to me herself last year. Finally she tries to sum up by telling me that I should read this book along with my Bible and it will answer all my questions. Unfortunately, that did not sum it up because a few things happened in a blur.
1. The taller lady standing behind Motor Mouth started talking for the first time, and made some wide hand/arm gestures, and accidentally smacked MM in the face. Apparently the taller woman is blind. It was really hard to hold it together at that point.
2. What the blind woman was trying to ask me was that if I had any questions while reading the book, would I like to have her congregation contact me? First off, I already told you I have a church and am not now, nor will I ever be interested in becoming a JW. Second, and most importantly, you just told me this book would answer all my questions...so which is it?
3. After the contradiction and me telling them I would not like to be contacted again, by anyone, and the blind woman hitting MM in the face, they tried to leave, so I figured I better collect the dog since she has an annoying habit of trying to escape via whatever visiting vehicle happens to be in the driveway. (God help our future children.) I made a comment about finding the dog and they go, oh she's right here playing with her booooooooooooooo......and never finished. It was not the bone. It was a dead mouse. Lord only knows if she killed it or the Lord smote Mickey III to save me from my trials and tribulations (MM and Sir Smaxalot). Either way, major props to the big guy in the sky for his comedic timing. It really was on point that day.
Thankfully, like all God's creatures, Mickey III did not die in vain, but served a purpose -- the JWs left pretty quickly after that. WOOT!

A few things to note after the experience though.

1. I accidentally locked the front door, therefore locking myself out of the house. Well, I didn't accidentally lock the door, I did that as soon as I opened it and saw MM and Sir Smaxalot standing there. I accidentally CLOSED the door and accidentally locked myself out. As I walked around to the garage, I noticed that apparently talking to me, stalking me and handing me their ridiculous book of contradictions was not enough, they also put a pamphlet in my garage door. That really pissed me off. GO AWAY PSYCHOS!
2. MM mentioned that she would have to go back to Michigan soon, as she couldn't afford to take a longer vacation than planned.

Vacation. VACATION?!?!

God forgive my complaining about a smaller-than-requested room in Aruba.

This is some people's idea of a vacation ?! And I thought I'd had some crappy trips. Wow.

I am reminded of a comedian who played here locally several months ago, who was reminiscing about his childhood and how, when there was a thunderstorm with lightning, his parents would run around the house, turning off lights and unplugging things, and demanding the kids do so as well. His childhood brain presumed if the lights were all off that must mean the lightning wouldn't know they were home, and pass them by. He referred to the lightning as the Jehovah's Witness of the sky. :)

White Minivan Theory Continued...

I forgot to mention that there are a few exemptions to The White Minivan Theory.

1. Soccer Moms.
Although they can be erratic drivers (side note: can you blame them? If I was stuck in a white minivan carting kids around all day, I would be a speeding death trap. "Don't make me stop this car!" "Johnny, be careful. I already cleaned up one spilled juicy juice and I WON'T do it again!" "Quit kicking the seats!" "I AM THE COBRA COMMANDER!!!!!" ahem...) soccer moms are usually exempt because they're in a hurry (unlike white minivan drivers), change lanes frequently (unlike white minivan drivers) and tend to be aggressive drivers in general (you guessed it - unlike white minivan drivers).

2. Teenagers.
Those poor teenagers who don't get a car when they turn 16, and are therefore forced to drive the family shit wagon (white minivan) to the movies - EXEMPT! This is due to many of the same reasons before.
A) they're in a hurry -- I would be too. Faster you go, the less time your friends could catch a glimpse of the pedophile mobile. For their sakes...I hope the van doesn't have tinted windows. Here kids! Free candy!
B) changing lanes aggressively -- again...to avoid driving anywhere near even a friend of a friend of a friend's aunt. Word travels fast.
Most importantly, C) They probably have a carload of other kids w/o cars who have been fortunate enough not to have to drive THEIR families' white minivans this time, and would prefer not to be seen either.

By the way...is it just me...or does it seem a little TOO coincidental that WMDs could =
A) Weapons of Mass Destruction

OR

B) White Minivan Drivers

Then again...is there really a difference?

Behold the power that is: The White Minivan Theory

Doesn't that sound like a cool punk band? If I ever start a cool punk band, that's what I'll name it.

Unfortunately, The White Minivan Theory (henceforth referred to as a proper noun because it SHOULD be considered an official theory!) refers to exactly what it sounds like, my theory on the inequality of white minivan drivers compared to the rest of us who don't suck at life.

White minivans should be included in the Rules of the Road handbook in Driver's Ed. Something like this: AVOID WHITE MINIVANS AT ALL COSTS! They could put a big red stop sign logo next to it to grab the little 15 yr old pubescent monsters' attention. It would be great. It would be in the book right after a chapter on hydroplaning and the proper way to turn your tires when parking on a hill. Very informative. But I digress...

The White Minivan Theory is as follows:
For some reason, people driving a white minivan have a traffic vendetta and are out to ruin the driving experience for the rest of us. Every time I get in an accident, am stuck in a traffic jam (happens a lot in Goofy Ridge!) or just wonder WTF is going on w/ the traffic in general, 9 times out of 10, it's somehow related to a white minivan. And on the 10th time, it's a white vehicle, just not a minivan. I have several hypotheses as to why this could be the case.

1. Old people are attracted to the color white. Thinks about it. How many FOPs (fucking old people) do you see out on the road in big FOPpy cars (Lincoln Towncars, Buick LeSabres and, yes, MINIVANS!)? Every single one. And most of FOPmobiles are white. I don't have a theory on that part yet. I just know that when you hit 66 yrs. old, you start buying cars at FOPland. Anyway. Older people tend to have poorer vision than the rest of us, drive slower (ie get run (or runned, as Randy would say) over easier) and still seem to believe the myth that the left lane is only for passing.

2. Maybe normal people purchase The White Minivans and something about the evil color overtakes them, and the longer they drive it, the worse they become at driving.

3. Think about the kinds of vehicles that tend to, on average, be white. Trailers, semis, 15 passenger rental vans, prisoner transport vehicles, RVs, campers, U-Hauls and, last but not least, COP CARS! I can easily see how any of those could cause traffic problems.

Every individual I have relayed this theory to has acted like I was near institutionalization. Yet, perhaps because I'm RIGHT, it just so happens that a few weeks later I always get the saaaame phone call: "You know I thought you were kinda loony w/ this minivan thing, but I'll be damned I'm stuck behind some asshole in a white Grand Caravan going 35 in the left hand lane. WTF?!"

It doesn't take a lot of brain power to figure this one out, people. Open your eyes and observe. Then call me. :)

Mickey Mouse Slaughterhouse

That's right, I murdered Mickey.

You may recall my very exciting stories about the mouse living in our house. He has been captured, along with his previously camouflaged friend - the gray mouse, all in a 24 hour period.

The first mouse, Mickey, the one we actually knew about, believe it or not was pretty cute. I felt bad. If I had to say a mouse was cute, this one would be the one.

We caught Mickey, and thought our mouse debacle was over. WRONG!

As I was typing my blog yesterday, I heard the spring/door stopper make that springy sound as if something had just hit it. Given that I was in the room alone (I thought) and Bella was asleep on the couch...I realized there had to be another furry creature living amongst us. Frickin great.

Mickey Jr. was sent to be slaughtered just after midnight last night.

Life is good.

I am an asshole.

I definitely got called out via facebook on some of my previous blog entries. When will I learn to self-edit? And when will I learn, if I must comment on something to be clear as to whether I am talking about a person or their actions? IDIOT!

My response was first, to take down the hurtful comments, and then say that my wonderful husband was a bit irritated with his mom and I earlier this year because we were being kind of catty and criticizing another woman (I don't remember who or about what). His mom and I both responded that women are just hard on other women and that's the way it is, and we didn't think anything more of it. HE was clearly the one with the issue, not us. End of discussion. The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I HATE being criticized, handle it way worse than most people, and given that I am far from perfect (shocker!) myself, I should probably make a much greater effort to STOP criticizing. Clearly, I have not done the best job with that so far.

You always hear about stay at home moms vs. working moms, for example (vs. as if it really is a battle!). Why can't all moms be doing the right thing, or sometimes the necessary thing, for their families? Why are both sides villified by the other? Are we all just born with the need to make ourselves feel better by tearing other people down? Women can be catty, myself included. Sometimes people need to be called out on it. Today was one time I was the person needing it. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the individual who did call me out this time. It was a strong, concise and definitely needed reminder that words CAN hurt, whether out loud, online, to your face or typed on a blog. And guess what, the person wasn't even catty about telling me that I was wrong! Proof to me that it can be done! Thank you!

Clean up, aisle 4

It's been forever since I blogged, so here's a random assortment of things I've been thinking about lately.

1. 200 lbs on the dot! Hey, it's only 3 lbs, but HEY IT'S 3 LBS! Woot!

Ty, skip #2

2. The ring worked! I've never had a pill work on the first try, but the ring did. Woot!

3. Here's how stupid I am. I was cleaning out our old house to prepare for renters, which included steam cleaning the carpet. I was setting up some new box fans to speed the drying process, and hopefully eliminate the molding process but, apparently, this box fan had feet. I think they all do, but at the time I was mystified. So what do I do? SIT ON THE WET FLOOR to try and figure out how these stupid feet go on the fan. The phrase "what's up your butt?" took on a whole new meaning...because I had sand up my butt, and let me tell you...that shit hurts. Talk about a raw crack. More importantly, talk about a dirty floor. Gross.

4. Every so often, I check out the local paper, The Mason County Democrat. I have never seen a paper that prints the "sheriff's report." The Sheriff's Report includes 911 calls, tickets, emergencies and the like. Here are some excerpts from the 5/27 edition.

"5/12 at 8:48 am: Rural Easton, suspicious man coming into yard."
"5-12 at 5:34 pm: Forest City, report that someone tried to abduct her child."
"5-13 at 3:51 am: Manito, suspicious vehicle 'shinning' light around." Yes, that's right, shinning, not shining. This new lingo appears more than once. God forbid a newspaper have spell check.
"5-14 at 8:47 am: Rural Havana, assist motorist whose 'care' broke down." Should we send a Care Bear?
My personal favorite, however, is this one:
"5/16 at 1:26 pm: Rural Topeka, complaint about 15 tractors on blacktop, 15-20 people on a trailer drinking, tractors are passing each other."
That, my friends, is my first appearance in the sheriff's report. It was the annual poker run. Most people who passed us waved (or waved their own beer cans...) as they passed us by. No one was causing any trouble and, as I said, this has been going on for about 8 years now. Wouldn't you have loved to hear the 911 operator on the other end of that call. "Well sir/ma'am, I was actually supposed to be on the poker run myself, but I had to work, so instead I'm talking to you." There were probably 60 people on the poker run. If the police really cared that this event goes on, there's been 8 years that they could've shut it down, not to mention...it's pretty easy to track down a line of 15 tractors pulling trailers. Give me a break.

There was 1 good ticket in the sheriff's report as well.
"5/16: (name removed) San Jose, no insurance, disobeyed stop sign, leaving the scene of property damage accident, failure to report accident to police, too fast for conditions-accident." Sounds like someone's going to have a bad day in court!
(all information taken from the Mason County Democrat 5/27 issue)


5. The past week has turned up some good quotes, for entertainment purposes only.

At Larry's last week:

Adam: "Well when you don't want anyone else to eat them, you chew it up and spit it out, then no one can re-sell it." I guess he was talking about wings...but that's not what it sounds like to me!

Ty: How's the house coming, Keri?
Keri: My house is fine, I'm almost done unpacking.
Randy: OUR house.
Keri: What I meant is, my house, which is located right next to Randy's shed.

Lauren H: Just so you know, I love Dick's. (the sporting goods store, of course...)

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Conversations With My Mother, Part 2

You know it's going to be an interesting day when your mother calls to tell you she has a story so embarrassing that she'd prefer you not tell other people...but it's so good that she doesn't really mind. You're welcome, Mom.

My mother sells Mary Kay. Needless to say, there is a shitload of makeup in her bathroom, and as such she has a vanity and a chair between the bathroom's double sinks. Apparently, she took a shower, put her hair in a towel, got her underwear on, got distracted by something, and went to put on her makeup. Let me just stop at this point and say, in order to hold the inordinate amount of makeup my mother owns, they have a super deep, super wide drawer under her vanity mirror, so the makeup is hidden unless she is using it. Now, my mom is premenopausal, so she has a fan on her vanity as well. She reached up to turn on the fan and shut her boob in the drawer. Now I will let her comments tell the rest of the story.

"My first thought was, SHIT THAT HURTS! Then I wondered if I would have a purple nipple or something."

"Finally, I realized it's a bad day when things have gone so south that you are shutting your boobs in drawers."

Personally, I'm not sure which is more funny...the fact that she shut her boob in the makeup drawer (which, by the way, definitely holds enough to cover a possible purple nipple, should that be necessary) or the fact that she was reaching UP and shut it in the drawer.

Wow.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

he's going to ask for a glass of milk.

So what happens if you give a mouse some dog food? Our story goes like this:

If you give a mouse some Iams, he's going to shit all over the floor. If you clean up all his shit, he's going to get into your food container and shit all over the food. If he shits all over the food, he will have nothing left and suffocate. If he suffocates, you will undoubtedly find him in the container, dead, and have to clean it up. And, if you scoop him up and throw him in the burn pile with the rest of the garbage, burn him to smithereens, you will go to get your dog some food...and find MORE TURDS THROUGHOUT THE DAMN FOOD. And if you find more turds in the food, you will have to scoop out and throw away the rest of the food by hand, because the air-tight container will be too awkward to pick up. Welcome to my yesterday. Maybe I'll just stick with if you give a mouse a cookie...


Oh, and did I mention that my check engine light has started coming on in the middle of every tank of gas, for no apparent reason? Or that my A/C decided to either work on full blast or not at all? No, I guess not. But Peoria Toyota's service dept. sure was happy to hear about it, fix it, and charge me $737. Ethanol-based carbon build-up was the culprit, ruining 2 separate parts/valves but, hey, keep buying that corn! Actually, Peoria Toyota is so far superior to Fort's Toyota, that I was almost happy to spend that kinda cash, just to not have to deal with those morons in Pekin. Ahh, another blog, another story.

You can't make this shit up

Who goes on a diet and gains weight?

ME! WTF?!

202.6 is not a happy place.

I did have a not so good weekend, food-wise, but still...2 days should not be allowed to ruin everything.

I'll keep you all posted on my progress...when there is some! I'm off to clean, and I mean C-L-E-A-N, the old house today...so maybe that will burn some extra calories. Then again...we turned the A/C off at that house, so if it gets to a million degrees inside...I'll probably just quit cleaning and start drinking. Oh well!

Also, I'm not fishing for compliments/suggestions here...just whining. No diet tips today, please. :)