It's Been Awhile...

Sorry for my many long absences from this blog lately.  The third trimester is definitely taking its toll.

I feel a little bit guilty complaining, because I've had a pretty easy time this whole pregnancy and I know it could be so much worse! 

I don't know what happened but in the last week I've started to feel like I'm literally losing my mind.  It's not just "pregnancy brain," although that is certainly an annoying factor as well.  I've been super moody, tired, physically exhausted, hungry but nothing sounds good, lonely, depressed, sad or a combination of any/all of the above basically every day.  It SUCKS!

Luckily, I had a regularly scheduled OB appointment yesterday and had the opportunity to discuss this issue with a doctor.  Thank God for small miracles.  I honest to God thought I might have a serious problem.  I have never EVER felt this way before...totally out of control, yet lacking any ability to stop my behavior/thoughts.  Those of you who know me will not be surprised to learn that I don't deal well with a lack of control, especially over myself. 

My doctor informed me that between weeks 28-30, your hormone levels are at the highest they ever will be throughout your pregnancy.  In the first trimester, you are not used to ANY hormones, which is what makes you moody, sick and tired.  Then your body adjusts.  The third trimester, you have a huge upswing of extra hormones, so it's kinda like being back in the first trimester all over again.  On the one hand, it's nice to know that I am not crazy but, on the other hand, it's frustrating that I can't do anything about it except wait and hope for the best. 

She also gave me a depression evaluation test.  She explained that anti-partum (before baby) depression is actually significantly more common than post-partum depression, which I didn't know.  It only contained 10 questions, your typical "Have you thought about hurting yourself or someone else?" and "Have you laid in bed at night, unable to sleep because you are worrying?"  No and no.  But then they snuck some in there that threw me off my game a little bit... "Do you blame yourself unnecessarily when things go wrong?"  Hmm...yes.  Absolutely. I thought that was just a personality trait.  Either way, social services gives this test to their clients and typically "red flags" them with a score of 10 or higher.  I scored a 12. 

The OB isn't overly concerned, but does want to keep an eye on it.  After I explained to her that planting season has just started so I am spending quite a bit more time alone, she figured that issue combined with this major hormone swing, is probably contributing to "situational" depression.  It's not something that needs therapy or medication, but she did "prescribe" stress-relief in the form of reading a book, de-cluttering, mani/pedis (that's right ladies!) or whatever helps me chill out.  I suppose I already broke the rules by going to Walmart, but Hobby Lobby sort of cancels it out, right?  So I'm still on track. :)

Hope you guys aren't missing me TOOOOOOOOO much while the Pregnant Express makes a temporary stop in Hormone Heights. 

I promise to be back soon with pictures of all my sewing/knitting/crafting/organizing projects! 

Love you all and thanks, as always, for reading.

Silly Rabbit...

Although I regularly feature my mom on this blog, Dad has kinda flown under the radar.  There's no specific reason for this covert behavior, however it IS a reflection of his real life.  He's gone YEARS without any long-standing jokes about him, embarrassing stories to tell at every family gathering, etc.  I'm proud to say, today is the first day of the rest of his life.  His EMBARRASSING STORY life.  Welcome to the real world, Dad!

Normally Dad is a pretty regular guy.  See exhibit A:

Ever notice how people get prettier or uglier the more you get to know their true personality? 

Here is what Dad looks like when you get to know his true inner self:

Source

That's right, The Cookie Monster.  Dad loves cookies so much that it's almost a "problem."  A serious disease called Cookie Love.  The man is obsessed.

Last week, my parents stopped by for the day.  We had a great time and headed out to wing night at a local restaurant.  At dinner, Dad gets this twinkle in his eye and says "I noticed you guys have a cookie jar on the counter now!" 

I paused.  We do not have a cookie jar on the counter.  What is he talking about?  We did have some girl scout cookies sitting on the counter, but they were still in boxes.  Maybe that's what he meant?  Mom knew something was wrong because of the look on my face, processing his comment.  Adam, however, caught on right away.

Adam: You don't mean the dog treat container do you?

Dad: No, no, the clear cookie jar with the oreos in it.  Right there on the counter!

Me: Dad, I don't know what kind of oreos you've been eating, but refresh me, what color are your regular Oreos?

Dad: Black, why?

Me: Did you happen to notice what color these "Oreos" were?  They're tan.  The reason for that is the "Oreos" you just ate are called Peanut Butter Droolies and can be found next to the Iams at Walmart.  They are dog treats.

Pause.

Dad: No, no, they're cookies! 

Me: No, Dad.  They're not.  They're dog treats. 

Pause.

Dad: Well, I guess I can't help it. I've been on this diet with your mother and I haven't had any cookies and I guess I just went crazy.  I couldn't help myself. 

Dear Lord.  The man is a MACHINE.  A cookie devouring machine. 

The next day he told mom that he needed a whole bottle of Rolaids because the wings from the night before were "barking" at him.  I commented that perhaps it wasn't the wings, maybe those dog treats caused HIM to bark.  He was not amused. 

All I can say is get ready for Christmas, old man.  Bring.It.On. :)

Makeup's Here to Save the Day!

It's no big secret that I love makeup.  Just the other day I was cleaning out my makeup collection and realized I have over 60 nail polishes.  SIXTY PLUS NAIL POLISHES.  That is ridiculous, especially if you've ever seen what my nails look like after I've tried to paint them.  Bella could do a better job, I'm certain.

My mom has been a Mary Kay consultant for as long as I've been alive, so I can just chalk my makeup addiction to her career choices...and besides, it's fun to blame all your problems on your parents! ;)

Seriously though, I'm bringing this up now because I've started noticing a not-so-pleasant trend around Mason County.  Women, in public, sans makeup.  Yikes.  I thought it was just a bunch of trashy people who happened to hit up the grocery store at the same time as me, and didn't think much of it...until one day I found myself at County Market, without makeup.  WTF?! NEVER did I think this would happen to me. 

Listen, it's nice to not have to deal with one more thing when you're getting ready in the morning.  I get it.  You're late for work, the kids are screaming, the dog won't take its morning poop, whatever...yet again, women put themselves last on the list.  Makeup, however, is not something you want to skip, ladies.  Trust me on this one.  There is not one woman on earth who looks better without makeup than with it.  Not one. 

Here are several pieces of what I'll call "photographic evidence" that even the most beautiful people in the world need makeup:

Exhibit A: Jessica Simpson

source: curious photos.blogspot.com

Exhibit B: Eva Longoria

source: celebritiesxone.com

Exhibit C:  Penelope Cruz

Source: twolia.com

Newsflash everyone: If Penelope Cruz looks like ass without makeup, what do you think you look like?  GET OUT THE EYELINER. NOW!

Seriously though, no one has time for this shit anymore, I get it, I really do.  It is my mission to bring you products that are accessible to regular people at moderate prices until I convince you all that even a little mascara is better than nothing at all. 

The first product I'd like to feature is Mary Kay's new Timewise Luminous-Wear Foundation.  You want a multi-tasker, this product is IT.  (Trust me, I have tried every.single.type. of MK foundation and there are several I don't love.)

Here are a few of the attributes listed on the site:

-age-fighting

-luminous/dewy finish

-safe for sensitive skin

-moisturizing complex enriched

Doesn't that SOUND awesome?  Well, you're right. It is.  I recently tried both of MK's new foundations, Luminous-Wear and Matte-Wear.  I was really intrigued to test both products because a matte face seems to be he new hype and yet I, like many of you, I'm sure, have spent oodles of $$$ on illuminators/highlighters/brighteners trying to fake that dewy-but-not-shiny look...so the luminous formula seemed interesting too. 

I'll be honest.  I did not like the matte foundation.  Not at all.  It's heavy, smells like the MK sunscreen (yet has no sunscreen in it), it's thick and it is really hard to get off.  On the other hand, if you have problems with your foundation rubbing off, the matte-wear foundation might be a great thing. 

On to my savior, Luminous-Wear.  This stuff is amazing.  It goes on smooth, doesn't smell so much like sunscreen and the thickness/coverage is just right.  It will cover any old acne scars or red spots, but not leave you looking like you're due on stage any second.  Another bonus (and this is true of the matte-wear foundation as well as all their medium coverage foundations) is you no longer need concealer.  At all.  If you put this foundation on your dark circles, for example, then let it sit for 15-30 seconds, it thickens up a little and works as concealer.  What did I tell you?  Multi-tasking! 

Last, but not least, it really does leave you with a dewy/glow finish.  I can't tell you how many compliments I've received on my skin/face since I started using this product.  I keep hearing how I have the "pregnant glow" and wanting to scream from the rooftops "IT'S THE MAKEUP!" :)  And, in case you wondered, yes I am a glitter addict, but NO, this product will not leave you shiny, sparkly or frosty.  Just glowing. 

I know I said I would bring moderately priced products to your attention, and some people will find the $20 price tag for this formula outside the "moderate" range, but let me remind you, you no longer need foundation+highlighter+concealer.  If you weren't spending $20 on the 3 of those products combined already, then you've been buying junk makeup and it's time for an upgrade anyway. ;) 

I guess since I started this post blaming my mom for all life's problems it wouldn't hurt to end on a shout out, right? 

If you are interested in this product, or any other Mary Kay products, please check out her website:

http://www.marykay.com/jweinhold/Profile.aspx?m=jweinhold

Haterade of the Day

Good news everyone!  Amendment 1 to SB 4 was narrowly defeated last week!  I know I promised to blog about this earlier, but I wanted to have all my facts straight.

I realize that I often blog about issues facing farmers in America, and yet many of my readers aren't farmers and therefore may wonder why they should care, other than a sudden increase in the price of their Corn Flakes. Amendment 1 to SB 4 is a perfect example, and this is why:

Amendment 1 was also known as the "Agricultural Production Sales Tax Exemption Sunset."  In layman's terms, this amendment would have required sales tax to be charged on basically everything a farmer purchases for his/her business, including but not limited to: animal feed, seed, semen to inseminate livestock, tractors, breeding horses and fertilizer.  Take a minute to think about that. 

Fertilizer and chemical bills are coming due soon.  It's not unheard of for a mid-sized family farmer to spend upwards of $45,000 on fertilizer/chemicals in ONE YEAR.  Though I will not share what we spend, it's important to note that those of us who farm crops such as green beans, which have shorter growing cycles, and therefore are planted twice a year...well, they get fertilizer twice a year too.  So there you have it folks, what would have been a $45k bill, suddenly becomes a $49k bill JUST for fertilizer and JUST because of sales tax.  Don't forget, that doesn't include the tax that would've been added to the price of your new planter/combine, seeds and more.  Oh, and one more thing, not only would we suddenly be charged sales tax on literally EVERY THING we purchase for our business, we also would lose almost 100% of our tax deductions.  Who could afford that?! 

I know, I know.  Evvvvvvvveryone could care less if the farmers don't get a break from the government.  After all, the media wants each and every one of you to know about the government subsidies, how ethanol is causing the food crisis and therefore the price of both food AND gas to rise, how corporate farms abuse their livestock and force animals to live in inhumane conditions.  Except none of those things are true. 

Sure, some farmers get government subsidies...because the government programs are set up in such a way that if you don't accept subsidies on "good" years, then they aren't available when you actually need them during a "bad" year.  I've already blogged about how this manufactured idea that ethanol causes both the food and gas prices to rise is factually inaccurate.  And, yes, there are corporate farms that abuse livestock, however, over 90% of farms are FAMILY farms and, if nothing else, we can't afford to mistreat our livelihood (livestock). 

IF this bill had passed, our family could not afford to stay in business.  Period.  And we have a decent sized farm.  Think how the world would change if this bill had passed and hundreds of Illinois farmers had to go out of business.  That's one reason non-farming families should care.  Because I can guarantee you, there would be a REAL gas/food price crisis if the farms suddenly disappeared. 

Hey non-farmers!  Need another reason to care?  This unimaginably STUPID amendment would also have eliminated most tax exemptions, deductions and credits for ALL businesses.  Do I have your attention?  If you own a business, this affects you.  If you frequent a business of ANY KIND, this affects you. 

Everyone in Peoria, please imagine the following scenario:  Caterpillar recently began re-hiring some of its workforce.  However, should this idiotic amendment have passed, they would no longer have any deductions on things like WD-40, steel or, gee, I don't know, YELLOW PAINT.  You know, the little things.  How many people would lose their jobs over that alone?  Do I have your attention NOW? 

Anyone out there go to the dentist?  God knows we do!  Imagine how much your bill would be if dentists no longer had tax breaks for all the toothbrushes, floss, gauze, fluoride and mouthwash they use or give away! 
The list goes on and on. 

Fortunately, as I mentioned earlier, this bill was shot down...by a 4-4 vote.  That's a close call, ladies and gents.  And as we all know, nothing ever truly goes away in the Senate.  I'll be keeping my eye out for more news on this government-induced insanity, and you can be sure if and when it comes up again, you'll be reading about it.

Here We Go Again...

It's come to my attention that due to the rising cost of food in America, the media people are starting up the corn wars again.  This time articles are even being written by normally reputable sources like USA Today, pronouncing ethanol as the behind-the-scenes reason for the uptick in your Froot Loops and HoHos. 

I admit that even with the knowledge I possess just from raising corn and living on a farm, after finishing some of these articles, I couldn't help but wonder why people wouldn't presume ethanol is to blame.  Thankfully, we have OTHER reputable sources like, ooh I don't know, the Farm Bureau, to refute some of these (sadly, common) misconceptions. 

Here are some talking points for those of you out there who want to support me the farmers.

MYTH
Because the govt. offers incentives for farmers who grow corn used in ethanol production, farmers are more likely to sign up to use their corn for ethanol. Meaning that corn which would've been used in food is being diverted to ethanol instead, therefore causing a drastic rise in the price of food due to a lacking supply of corn.

Fact #1
If the US govt. quit offering these ethanol incentives to farmers AND the acres that formerly went to grow "ethanol corn" were instead used for other purposes (including direct food production), the money spent by consumers on food would drop 0.3%, meaning a $5 box of cereal would now cost $0.015 less...so your Special K just went from $5 to $4.985.  Or, to spread that math out over a month's time, the average $400/month grocery bill would drop $1.20.  Alert the media!

Fact #2
Without ethanol in our gasoline, a gallon of gas would cost 20-35 cents more.  That translates into anywhere from an additional $6 to an additional $10.50 PER MONTH, if you only purchase 30 gallons in a month.  I don't know about you, but I have an 18 gallon tank, and I'm filling up once a week, on average.  So let's extend the math to real life again. 

20-35 cents more per gallon x 18 gallons per week x 4 weeks per month (on a short month): $14.40 - $25.20 EXTRA in one month. I couldn't afford that and I don't know too many people who could. 


Fact #3
The U.S ethanol industry uses less than 3% of the world's grain supply, and none of its food supply.

Fact #4
In the U.S., only ONE PERCENT of all the corn grown is needed to meet the demand of direct human consumption. That means only 1% of the corn grown here is sweet corn, people!  If you're eating corn on the cob, you're eating sweet corn, not field corn. Field corn is what ethanol comes from.  Case in point, last year we grew hundreds of acres of field corn...and planted 6 ROWS of sweet corn, just for fun, for our own personal use. In fact, less than 10% of field corn grown is needed for processing for food purposes. 

Fact #5
1/3 of the corn that goes into ethanol production is RECYCLED (hear that, green folks?) into the food chain as ready-made livestock feed called DDGS.  And, in case you were worried that the California cows might not be so "happy" anymore eating something with a name like DDGS, DDGS actually has more protein than pre-ethanol corn, so it's much more efficient.  Efficiency makes cows AND farmers happy!

Fact #6
One more thing about the cow food:  Corn is NOT the sole source of livestock feed.  Up to 30% of cattle feed and 25% of swine feed comes from soybean meal.  AND, although 94% of soybeans grown in the U.S. become livestock feed, only about 40% of U.S corn goes to animals.



So...is anyone else now finding it nearly impossible to explain exactly how ethanol is the cause of the food price "crisis?"  What a joke! 

What's For Dinner

I'm no food blogger, but I definitely need to share what I made for dinner.  I guess you can expect more of these posts the further along I get in this pregnancy, because boy am I HUNGRY! :)

The main course was Ravioli with Sweet Potatoes and Thyme.  I found this recipe in Real Simple last year and it is simple, easy and delicious!

Ravioli with Sweet Potatoes and Thyme
1 lb. sweet potatoes, peeled and diced
1 (16-18 oz) package frozen cheese ravioli
1 tbsp olive oil
Thyme
Goat Cheese
Salt
Pepper

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Combine sweet potatoes, olive oil and thyme in baking dish.  Season with salt and pepper.  Bake for 35-40 min. covered.
2. Boil pasta.  Reserve 1/3 cup pasta water.  Drain pasta, then combine pasta, reserved pasta water and sweet potatoes.
3. Sprinkle with goat cheese (if desired) and serve.

Apologies for the tiny picture!

The real kicker, though, was dessert.  I tried Tricia Yearwood's Key Lime Cake recipe...O.M.G.  The pictures will never do it justice, but here is the recipe so you can see for yourselves:

Key Lime Cake

CAKE

1 3-ounce package lime-flavored gelatin

1¹/3 cups granulated sugar

2 cups sifted all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

5 large eggs, slightly beaten

1½ cups vegetable oil

¾ cup orange juice

1 tablespoon lemon juice

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup Key lime juice (from about 25 small Key limes or 4 large regular limes)

½ cup confectioners' sugar (AKA powdered sugar)

CREAM CHEESE ICING

½ cup (1 stick) butter, room temperature

1 8-ounce package cream cheese, room temperature

1 1-pound box confectioners' sugar

(I used Betty Crocker, from the can, and I'd recommend having 2 cans on hand if you like frosting!)

Here are two quick pictures.  Apologies again for the small pictures!

The chocolate covered strawberry was leftover from my Valentine's Day dinner. 

They are surprisingly easy to make as well!

Yum!





This is Real Life

Adam and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary yesterday.  Thank you all for the kind Facebook comments and well wishes.  I commented with all the cliches, "time flies," "it feels like yesterday," "I can't believe it's been three years," and etc.  Although they are all true, they're kind of boring.  Instead of rehashing the same dull cliches, here's a highlight reel from January 19, 2008.

-Busting the zipper on my wedding dress as soon as I sat down at the head table...because it was -4 degrees outside and now I was inside and it was "hot."
-The reception manager's face when I asked if she could turn on the A/C due to it being so "hot."
-Kristin crying in the bathroom...because she was afraid the winery was "out of wine."
-Sleepke passed out in the Tahoe for most of the reception, despite it being -4 degrees.
-Adam hamming it up during the vows, making sure everyone heard him repeat "For richer OR POORER."
-Friend of the family being so drunk she ate pizza after it fell face-down on the floor.
-Mom hearing "Baby Got Back" for the first time and declaring it her favorite song ever.

-And, most importantly, a big thank you to all our friends and relatives who, despite the weather, very long drives, beauty pageants, the flu, morning sickness and being almost 9 months pregnant, still made it to celebrate with us.

Now, as great as our wedding day was, everyone knows that the longer you're married, the more likely it is that the "honeymoon is over."  (You knew I couldn't leave out the best cliche of all!)

Here is how we've spent our first few anniversaries:
-Honeymoon: Aruba
-1st Anniversary: Galena, bed and breakfast, skiing, drinking wine and relaxing
-2nd Anniversary: Celebrated ahead of time by going back to Aruba over New Year's

Anniversary three...a little different.  The weekend before, we headed to Bloomington to visit with friends and meet a new baby.  The day before our anniversary, we went to Champaign for an Illini game and spent three hours on a slick, ice- and snow-covered road trying to get home.  We were tired.

Day of our anniversary:
-Discuss making a reservation at Biaggi's in Bloomington
-Decide we are losers and tired of driving
-Discuss where to eat instead
-Decide Grizzly's is not romantic
-Decide to put on sweatpants, make homemade pizza and watch American Idol
-Realize how many commercials American Idol has this year, switch to Hardcore Pawn instead
-Watch AI on DVR, complain about commercials and judge's judging ability (Did you SEE the first two who made it to Hollywood?  YIKES.)
-Go to bed.

We rock. 


Side note: In case anyone missed it, a big congratulations goes out to Nicole S. for her winning comment in last week's Shutterfly giveaway.  Thanks to everyone who entered and stay tuned for more giveaways in the future.

We are leaving soon for the Bahamas (celebrating our anniversary in less loser-like fashion) so I will be away from the blog for awhile.  Hopefully, Adam, Homer Gene and I will return tanned (except HG) and refreshed! 

Pregnancy Top 10 + Giveaway!

I made a little list, just for fun, of the top 10 things I wish someone told me (beforehand) about pregnancy.  Hopefully this list will make you laugh, and provide some helpful tips for anyone thinking about becoming a parent, or in the throes of pregnancy along with me!

10. What to Expect...When You're Reading "What to Expect"
This book is known as the #1 Best-Selling baby book of all time.  I had some questions about it ahead of time because many of the things women today "just know" came from the "rules" in this book; things like not to use a hot tub while pregnant, not to use Advil, etc. 

What I didn't know is that this book is really hit or miss.  Some women swear by it, couldn't have lived without it...other (ME!) hated every second of the parts they did read, and didn't bother to finish it because it's a waste of time.

Reasons I hated it:
A) There is a disproportionately large portion of the beginnning of the book describing what to do if you are pregnant and addicted to cocaine, how to stop using, resources to help you accomplish that goal, etc.  Now, that is a serious problem (if you have it) but I'm going to venture a guess that most women who become pregnant are not, in fact, addicted to coke (unless you're talking about the kind in a red can), and it would be much more helpful to have a large section discussing how to cut back on caffeine, sushi, coffee, anything else that an average woman might consume on a regular basis.  Quit wasting time with coke. 

B) I still have not figured out why this author is the #1 Best-Selling author of baby books.  She is not a doctor, nurse or involved in the medical profession in any way.  She does not have a degree of any kind in child/human studies/development.  WHY is she the utmost authority on pregnancy??  I don't know about any of you, but it's hard to take anything she says seriously.

C) All the "rules" I mentioned previously...they're not all true.  Doctors have varying opinions on varying topics, so I tend to trust them (again, they have DEGREES, PRACTICE, and a hell of a lot of years of SCHOOLING) more than some random chick who's had two kids and is suddenly an expert.

9. Morning Sickness: A Misnomer

I really believe the term "morning sickness" came about because it sounds cute...well, cuter than "Could be Any Time of Day and You May Just WISH You Were Sick." 

See, a lot of people warned me that morning sickness could creep up on you at any time and that some lucky bitches...er...people don't get it at all.  What I didn't know is that you can have what is considered "morning sickness" but not throw up.  Before I was pregnant, I had this crazy thought that if I ended up with morning sickness once I was pregnant, it wouldn't be a big deal because puking was my go-to strategy when I drank too much in college.  Vomit does not gross me out in any way.  So, naturally, I end up with the worst possible situation (for me, at least): spending the whole day nauseated and WISHING I could just throw up and get it over with, but unable to do so. Of course, this leads in to...

8. Battle of the Opposites

What I mean by this is that pretty much whatever goes on with your health in your regular life, you will have the opposite happen while pregnant.  For example, I had great skin (perhaps partially due to birth control) for most of my life.  Little acne here and there, nothing noteworthy.  Then I got pregnant.  BAM!  I turn into Zitzilla, Acne Queen of Goofy Ridge.  Only now I can't do anything about it, because all the zit creams are against the "rules."  Good thing I threw those rules out the window.  Example number 2 (pun intended): You've all heard about my digestive issues in the past.  Let's just say I now have the opposite problem in a major way.  Prenatal vitamins block you up, being pregnant slows your digestion down, which has the same effect...suddenly I'm spending hours in the bathroom praying TO go instead of my usual "Dear God, make it stop!!!"  Not cool!

There has been one exception that I'm not sure how I feel about just yet: my fat gut.  Now before you all write comments about how I should be proud of my body and not worry about how I look, just calm down and let me explain.  Pregnant people get fat guts, OK, I get it.  That's totally fine with me, in fact, I should be USED TO IT, right? :)  But this has been my one exception to the Battle of the Opposites...my stomach is getting bigger every day.  I didn't expect it to shrink, but I really thought no matter how big my stomach got, there would still be that protective layer of fat on top of it.  I don't know what happened but that fat has turned hard as a rock.  Too bad it won't stay that way forever.  So I guess there are SOME health issues that won't be opposite. 

7. Maternity Pants SUCK!

I assumed that I would just wake up one day and POW! my pants wouldn't fit.  Luckily, my penchant for leggings saved the day, because I was exactly right.  I woke up one day, thankfully not a day that I needed to be anywhere in a hurry, and tried on 3 pairs of pants before I figured out the dryer was not the problem.  Enter the super stretch waistband maternity pants.  Here is where I went wrong.  I also assumed that if your regular pants do not fit, no big deal, you could just go straight to maternity pants and they would be great.  WRONG!  Maybe my ass is too small, maybe maternity pants are only made for people who are in the 3rd trimester, I don't know, but these pants are terrible.  I'd tell you the brand, but I have several and they all have the same issue: SDB, saggy diaper butt.  There are not enough Be-Bands, Bella Bands, Belly Bands, etc. in the world to hold these pants up.  By the end of the day, I have enough room in my pants for a fully loaded pair of Depends and a large penis.  Moral of the story: You are going to have to buy new clothes in your third trimester anyway (if for no other reason than you'll be in a different season and have to change styles accordingly) so the "bigger is better" rule does NOT apply to pants.  Buy your regular size and be HAPPY! 

6. Baby Message Boards...More Hurtful than Helpful

There are a million of them out there, babycenter.com, whattoexpect.com, etc. etc.  Sometimes you will luck out and find some helpful tips, but most of the time it's just a bunch of psychotic hormonal freaks trying to see who they can make burn through a box of Kleenex the fastest.  Seriously, they are mean! 

5. Everyone's a Critic

Speaking of baby message boards, beware of the critics.  There are some nutty people out there, and everyone truly believes their way is the "right" way and therefore will argue to the death that you are wrong, going to be a bad mom, stupid, ignorant, etc...and those are the nice terms.  God forbid you decide to do something "unnatural" like circumcise your son, formula feed or require a c-section...they'll be all over you! 

And this isn't even going into the opinions of family members.  Good grief!  Luckily, I have a really supportive family who I know will answer any questions I have...but that doesn't mean there haven't been disagreements.  Last week I had to "explain myself" because I drink milk that (at the time) I wasn't sure whether it came from cows who were given growth hormones.  In truth, I don't care that much, and it turned out the milk does not come from the Sammy Sosas of cattle, but the mere fact that I had to hear about it surprised me.  People mean well overall...but make sure not to ask for opinions on something if you're not willing to take some criticism once in awhile.  I've decided to do whatever is best for me and my family, and whatever that is, everyone else will just have to deal with it.

4. Cheap Entertainment that Doesn't Involve Drinking? Message Boards!

I know this might sound like a contradiction, but if you can handle the 24/7 drama-rama, there are some good laughs to be had on the message boards.

A few weeks ago, a woman asked if it was safe, now that she's pregnant, to continue using her vibrator.  Now this is not just any vibrator.  Apparently, and I didn't get all the details, it is some special kind of vibrator that you do not remove while having sex.  She wanted to know if it would hurt the baby if she continued to use it.  Call me a prude, but if I had that type of question...I don't think I'd ask (or trust) the advice of total strangers on the internet.  Not to mention...if I can give up Captain Morgan for 9 months, which I guarantee I used more than this lady uses her vibrator, is it really so terrible to have to lay off the sex toys for 9 months?  Weirdo.

My other personal favorite is the first time mom, 19 so she knows everything, who asked if it was "wrong" to want to have a c-section because she is afraid of ripping or having to get an episiotomy.  THIRTY EIGHT PAGES later she finally saw the hypocrisy in her question: it's a little ridiculous to be afraid of a one inch tear "down there" and yet wish for a much larger cut in your abdomen, through 7 layers of skin and muscle tissue.  Luckily, she finally realized she may be 19 but she does not know everything.

3. Superman vs. Super Jerk

From what I've gathered through speaking with several pregnant friends, you're either going to love your husband a lot more, or hate his baby-making guts.  Fortunately, I have a great husband who is very understanding and really relaxed about all the stupid "rules."  He asks if I want a glass of wine when he has one, he tells me to go ahead and eat turkey sandwiches, etc etc. 

With that being said, it's important to remember one piece of advice a friend DID tell me long before I was pregnant.  Although it's not their fault, men just don't get it.  Women get pregnant and their whole life changes rapidly.  Everything from your diet to your clothes to your skin care regimen to your outlook on life...it's all different now.  You are bonding with that baby every second of every day; and most importantly, you are a MOM.  Right now.  Men...they're not growing a baby inside, their diet and clothes do not change (unless THEY are eating for two), so they do not have the same bond with the baby.  They can't get it, it's not their fault.  So ease up on them a little, OK ladies?  Once that baby shows up, everything changes again...if that baby doesn't have them wrapped around it's little finger, they're at least stalking through the house in their ugly jeans and dad shoes turning off light bulbs and complaining about doors not being shut properly.  Enjoy this phase while you can!  :)

2. Needle Gut

This isn't as foreboding as it sounds, but it's important to know.  Your ligaments stretch to accommodate the baby, and the most important ligament stretching to occur involves the ligaments in your pelvis.  Unfortunately, what they don't tell you is that these "stretches" feel like a sharp needle stab right in the pelvis.  It can occur at any time, simply from getting out of bed or shifting in your chair.  And let me tell you, when it happens, yikes!  It's over quickly, thank the Lord, but it's a surprise each and every time. 

1. There are No Congressional Medals of Honor for Being Tough

Here's the truth about all the "rules" regarding things you can and can't do, eat, breathe, etc. (check with your own doctor first!):
-You can eat cold deli meat, just be sure you're not eating it out of a dumpster
-You can have a glass of wine once in awhile.  Moderation is key, and not just in this rule.
-You can take hot baths and get in the hot tub.  If you turn down the hot tub to body temperature, it cannot hurt your baby, though you still shouldn't stay in there for hours.  I will say that a 98 degree hot tub feels like a luke warm pool and, in my opinion, isn't worth it...but to each their own.  Our bodies are a wonderful thing, and they will let you know if you are overheating. 
-You are not going to hurt your baby if you have an epidural or any other drugs during delivery.
-You cannot paint, the fumes are toxic.
-MASON COUNTY ONLY: DO NOT drink the tap water.  It is not safe for pregnant women.  Period. 

Now for the best part: THE GIVEAWAY!

Leave your best piece of information, advice, etc. in the comments or on the Facebook page, and the best one will win a $20 gift card to Shutterfly!  Contest ends Friday, Jan. 14th, 2011 at 8:00 AM!  You do not have to be currently pregnant to win!  Good luck!

More Changes Coming...Soon?

Big changes, lots of changes!

I don't want to pull a Verizon and lie to you all about when this is going to happen, because the truth is I don't know yet.  I am currently working with a marketing and design wonder woman on redesigning this site in a lot of ways.  I just wanted to prepare you all.  We'll have a new design, a logo and more!  I realize this is not that exciting for a lot of you readers, but it's pretty freakin' cool for me! 

One of the coolest things I'm going to start doing is giveaways!  Look for the first one coming up later on this afternoon!

Project Life

Yes, this is another scrapbooking post. 

This scrapbooking post, however, contains a new form of scrapbooking that, although it may not have changed my life, definitely, 100%, erased my fears of scrapbooking.  See, I went to school for advertising, so a lot of people think that I must be really creative.  And maybe I am, with words...but when it comes to design...not so much.  I know what I like, but I never know how to get there.  My sister is a wonder woman when it comes to these things, but I can't call her every time I don't know whether to use paste or double-sided tape.  (I'm sure she's reading this now, thinking, "You NEVER use paste in a scrapbook, dummy!")

This revolution is called Project Life.  Project Life was created by another wonder woman named Becky Higgins.  She is the ultimate scrapbooker, even formerly worked for a scrapbooking magazine.  (Yes there are MAGAZINES for this shit.  Who knew?)  What Becky tapped into, that changed everything, is that there were a LOT of people like me out there.  People with boxes of old photos, eons of hopes and dreams and plans to organize them all...later.  And those of you who've been watching my new favorite channel, OWN, know that Peter Walsh says "later" is the best friend of clutter.  Touche, Peter, touche.
So let's get to it.  Becky is so awesome that she even has a video showing you a lot of what I'm showing you below.  Here is the video.  To me, Project Life is a kit that allows you to seamlessly and effortlessly organize all your photos without the hassle of: A) design work and B) a $300 trip to Hobby Lobby for supplies.  The most common way people (including Becky herself) use the kit is to take one photo every day for the year, and put them all in the Project Life kit.  If that sounds too daunting, you can use it for a baby's first year album (which I intend to do for Homer Gene) and just put a selection of the 2 billion photos from baby's first year in the album, rather than taking one a day.  You can use it for a school year, for a summer trip, for a holiday album, whatever you want.  That's the beauty of Project Life, you can organize it HOWEVER.YOU.WANT.  No rules!  You know I love that! :)

The kit comes with a 3-ring binder, plastic sleeves to hold all the photos for each week, title cards for each week, month dividers, journaling cards so you can have captions and notes for all the photos, a date stamp so you can date each title card or anything else you want, bi-fold journaling cards for those times when you just have a little more to say (or, like me, have big handwriting), arrow stickers to point from photos to notes if you choose to, several sheets of double-sided cardstock for whole page designs, and more! 

Now if you're technologically savy, or just plain don't want all that "paper crap" (as Adam says) loitering in your closets, there is also an online version, which is a little more expensive...BUT you don't have to print out each week's photos, you just upload them to your computer like you normally would and use the Project Life program to build an album.  So the cost pretty much evens out.  (Side note: This is another place you could use your very own handwriting font that I mentioned here.) 

There are two choices for the color scheme of this year's Project Life kit: The Amber Edition and the Turquoise Edition.  The Amber edition is a little more yellow (obviously) and warm color-toned, and a little more flowery/girlie.  Hopefully Homer will turn out to be a boy, because I bought the Turquoise Edition to use for his baby's first year album.  The Turquoise edition is more cool-toned, shapes, graphics, browns, blue/teals and reds.  If Homer turns out to be a girl, I will either use it anyway, or make my own version online and use the kit for a general 2011 album (yes, I'm doing TWO Project Life albums this year, I like it that much!). 

I took some photos of my Turquoise Edition kit after it arrived in the mail, so that all of you can see what I'm talking about.

The Project Life kit

The Turquoise Edition binder

Some of the journaling cards

Close up of some journaling cards

Title/Date cards

Decorating cards for fun

Bi-fold cards for when you need to write more & the date stamp

Month dividers

Full page double-sided cardstock

Photo divider sleeves

One other tip, especially if you are design-challenged like me, check out the Project Life website for ideas on what to do with all this stuff, how to arrange it, cool layouts and etc.  It really helps.  I'll be posting pictures of my layouts once I get started, so you all can see.  Just don't expect them to be pretty. :)