Merry Christmas

Is anyone else having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit?  It seems like things just keep going wrong, but I'm really trying.

With that being said, no matter how much Christmas spirit I lack, I AM feeling extraordinarily grateful for my family and friends this year.  I don't think I've ever appreciated my family as much as I do right now.  I know this may be shocking, but I can be a difficult person to love/live with.  I'm picky, I'm anal and sometimes I go off about things that would be better off left unsaid.  Now not to go all corn-tastic on you here, but despite my (very few) shortcomings, my husband and family still love me.  Maybe they'd love me more with a little duct tape, but that's beside the point.  :)

I know we're all supposed to be thankful at Thanksgiving, and I was then too...but Christmas always means more to me, thankfulness-wise, than Thanksgiving.  It's the end of the year, almost New Year's, and it usually makes me reflect more on what's happened than I do in November.  It seems as though it's a time for reflection, perhaps regrets, and definitely improvements.  For whatever reason, I end up thinking about things that irritate the piss out of me more than improvements, but perhaps it's just my nature.  Call me critical, but I am never more caustic than when I'm judging myself.  That's why it's nice to know I'm surrounded by people who love and care about me. 

Yet it still seems like everything is going wrong.  I know this can't just be happening to me.  Every year, it's something different...but it's always some kind of unavoidable drama.  Some years it's holiday planning drama, some years it's my stupid mouth drama, some years it's so unavoidable that I don't even know I'm involved in drama.  By the time Christmas rolls around, I'm so pissed off and sick of everyone that I forget the "reason for the season" and the fact that I'm supposed to be happy. 

However, I've made a decision.  Instead of moping around and focusing on all the stupid drama that is here, yet again, just in time for the Christmas season, I am going to reflect on all the reasons my family and friends were blessed this year. 

We moved into our new house and it is every bit as wonderful as we hoped it would be.  Several of our friends got married and had babies this year, which is always exciting.  One friend got a new kidney, got a dog and got married all in the span of a year, so I think he wins the prize for best year!  The vast majority of my family is healthy and we are happy to have the opportunity to spend another Christmas with those who aren't.  Harvest didn't end until a week ago, but the corn turned out well and our contracts remained intact.  Two of our friends moved closer to us (it's a big step to move closer to the Ridge!) so we are thankful to have them near by.  Last, but certainly not least, I left the Journal-Star at what is likely the best possible time, and began to fill my time writing this blog.  I am so thankful to continue to have a creative outlet that gets a great response.  There are no words to express how wonderful it is to be praised for doing something that just feels right.  Keep the feedback coming, it really means a lot!  Oh...and have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Best Quote Ever...thanks Mom!

There's a running joke in my family about how the Baby Jesus figurine has been missing from the nativity scene for several years now.  No one knows why, where he went (to get a tuxedo t-shirt?  He likes to party!) or how Baby Jesus could disappear, but he did.  And this is what Mom had to say about it:

"I have to move some shit out of the way to make room for Baby Jesus.  That's symbolic of how my Christmas has been.  It hasn't been about baby Jesus, it's been about crap!"

And when I told her the quote made my blog she said:
"I tell ya, it's either my boobs or Baby Jesus."

Small Town Tag

I've often blogged about how everyone in my area seems to tell me to keep everything a secret, including mundane things that I would never have second guessed...like announcing on Facebook that we are going on vacation.
Them: "Oh no, don't say that!  Then everyone will know!" 
Me: "Uh...yeah, that's why I posted it on Facebook!" 
Them: "I can't believe you would tell everyone that you're going on vacation!" 
Me: "I can't believe you don't get excited enough TO tell everyone you're going on vacation." 
Them: "Yeah, but then they will know you're not home and someone could come rob your house!" 

Ok, first of all...no one in this area has an alarm on their house (probably not supposed to say that either).  So if you were the kind of person who wanted to break in (ie the kind of person who has no regard for their own life and/or shotguns), you could do it any day, not just while we're on vacation.

 Second, if you're my friend on Facebook (or anywhere else for that matter) I would hope you wouldn't want to rob my house (plus now my suspect list is narrowed down.  "Officers, question all 412 facebook friends right away!!  Oh, and don't forget my 11 blog followers!") 

Third, if you're REALLY my friend, you probably know where the spare key is hidden (or if there is one). 

And last but not least, if you are truly my friend, you know that we don't have anything worth stealing!  Broken flat screen tv?  It's all yours.  Target Christmas rug?  Watch out, it bleeds in the washing machine.  Router?  It's only been struck by lightning once, so you might get something out of that. 

People are stupid.  But even with all of the above being said, I STILL did not realize just how efficient the Small Town Telephone Tag really can be.  It's like a sick and twisted phone tree.  Case in point:
Last week Adam sent me to the auto parts store for a product to remove all the water from the diesel in his engines.  (Clearly, I knew exactly what I was looking for...NOT.)  I ran into a friend, Richie, in the parking lot.  He was leaving as I was going in.  The store did not have enough of what I was looking for (Hell, it was a miracle they could even understand what I was talking about, let alone have any of the actual product in stock!), so I had to go to the other auto parts store.  I ran into Richie again at the 2nd auto parts store and he informed me that my tags were expired on my plates.  Sure enough, for the second year in a row, I never got them in the mail and they expired in October.  Great.  I leave the auto parts store and head across town (maybe 3 miles) to the grocery store.  The goal is to get in and out...so I buy a case of Bud Light and a gallon of milk and hit the road.  (Hey, it's a recession...we're down to the bare necessities.) By the time I pulled out of the parking lot, my husband called and told me I need to go across the street to replace my expired tags.  I'm like...how did you know?  Apparently, in the time I drove across town, bought the necessities, and got in my car, Richie called our mutual friend Randy, who called Adam.  Randy and Adam had been on the phone for 10 minutes before Adam called me.  I guess it's nice that they were all concerned...but don't think I don't know that if any of the 3 of them would have seen me with a piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe, or a giant spider in my hair...nary a word would've been spoken. :)  Good thing it was just a license plate. 

More Daily Blogging Fun

I'm combining two days' posts into one because they're short.

December 9th: Best Album of the Year

Taylor Swift Fearless.  That is a no-brainer. 
At the beginning of the year, I wasn't much of a TS fan.  I thought all her songs were sung in minor keys, which isn't flattering to most voices, no matter how talented you are.  But then I really started listening to her music, and learning about how she's written all of these songs herself.  She plays her own instrument.  She has her own line of guitars.  Pretty much, Taylor gives off this vibe that if you could just meet her, you'd instantly be best friends.  So to all of those people out there who don't understand the draw to Taylor and her music...there you have it.  She is my best friend, she just doesn't know it yet. 


December 10th: Best Place of the Year

Normally, I would say Aruba, for obvious reasons (i.e. beach, sand, crystal clear blue water, friendly people, great weather, etc).  With the circumstances of the year, however, I have to say my favorite place is my house.  We put so much money time and money energy into the design, building and completion of our home, and this year it finally became a reality.  HALLELUJAH!  Now who wants to come over for drinks? :)

Moment of Peace

Back to the Best of 2009 Challenge!

December 8th, Moment of Peace

My moment of peace came through this blog, so thank you to all of you!

For the past year or so, I've been mentally exhausted due to all the questions about babies and when they're showing up on our doorstep (by a stork of course).  So one day, I finally gathered up my courage and went on a rant about why people won't just leave me the F alone. 

To my surprise, I learned that I am not the only woman in the world who doesn't piss her pants around babies.  I'm not the only woman in the world who hasn't known she wants to be a mother since day one.  I am not the only woman in the world who likes being able to go out to lunch/shopping/wherever and carry a purse, instead of a diaper bag. 

That blog received so much positive attention and so many great, insightful comments.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.  It's really nice to know that I'm not crazy. 

That is why I enjoy hearing from people who read this blog.  I can rant about some random, crazy shit...and you all remind me that it's ok.  Thanks for putting my heart at peace over the baby issue.  Words cannot describe how wonderful it is not have that off my chest and out of my head!

Hours of entertainment, that one

For all those of you out there who have some ridiculously romantic ideas about how "normal,"  "well-adjusted" and "unpretentious" your children would be if you could just raise them in the country...this blog is for you. 

Meet my husband (or, in this case, Exhibit A)

In fact, this photo may explain the upcoming story.

My husband was raised in a rural area outside of Peoria.  Not nearly as rural as Ridgetopia, but rural nonetheless.  (Yes, that was a sentence fragment.  Don't think I missed it.)  One would think, even growing up in a "country" environment, he would be wise to the ways of standard shipping practices.  You would be wrong.  Must be that fresh country air. 

Last week, we missed a scheduled delivery from FedEx.  We got one of those annoying sign-the doorknocker-and-retape (because some of us cannot properly read the instructions and have already broken the tape)-to-your-door-we'll-be-back-tomorrow-hope-it's-not-raining-thankssomuch-FedEx deals.  Fanfreakingtastic.  And it was raining the next day...and we were scheduled to be out of town.  AWESOME!

The package was a Christmas present for me so, naturally, I was trying my hardest:

1. Not to open it and retape it before Adam got home

2. To restrain myself from googling/reverse whitepage searching the mysterious return address

3. To make sure when it DID arrive, it was taken care of and not damaged by Mother Nature's bitchy tricks. 

I called Adam to explain that we'd missed the package but FedEx would bring it back the next day.  There was a long pause...and then my normally common sensical husband proved legions of teachers wrong by asking what is certainly deemed a stupid question (like Santa....they DO exist!). 

Adam: So...does UPS deliver FedEx?

Me: (Long pause) (Hysterical laughter) WHAT?

Adam: Ok, asshole, I know they are 2 different companies...but does the UPS man ever deliver packages for FedEx?

Me: (More hysterical, silent teared, laughing)

Adam: (Hangs up)

He later informed me that he is "not a moron," it's just that he's never SEEN the FedEx man...so he couldn't be sure if he really exists. 

You know, kind of like how we keep getting new Tupac songs?

But back to that "fresh country air."  I wouldn't put too much faith in it, yuppie-moms-to-be.  Look what it can do to adults (Exhibit B):

Let's see how long this lasts...

Best of 2009 Blog Challenge

I heard about this idea from my girl over at Hilarity Ensues and I think it's pretty cool.  Plus, this way I won't have to stay up all night thinking about how many days of bad luck I've added up by not filling out email Christmas surveys.

The basic idea is to blog on a different topic for each day of December, recounting the best (fill in the blank) of 2009.  Like D., I also am psyched to not have to think about things to write about on my own...not that Adam leaves me in short supply...

December 7th: Best Blog (you didn't know you were missing) of 2009
Since it would be rude to nominate myself and all my awesomeness...damn.  I'll go with author Jen Lancaster's blog Jennsylvania.  She started out as an unemployed ex-sorostitute, emailing her friends about the trials and tribulations of finding a new job...and ended up becoming an author.  She loves Twilight, cats and shoes...no wonder it's also Adam's favorite blog!  (Just kidding...in case you couldn't tell.  He barely knows what a blog is.)  My favorite post so far this year is Taylor, Show Me on the Doll Where the Bad Cougar Touched You.

Hope my pipes don't bust!

I try to avoid making comments that could be considered sexist/stereotypical.  But, in my experience, in the event of a plumbing problem, a woman will call a plumber 10x over before a man even admits he can't fix it. 

Which brings me to my next point.  Why would you create a logo that will most likey offend, irritate or disgust your target audience? 

I don't consider myself a prude, but that is truly disgusting.  I will never hire them just because of that logo.  There are so many jokes you could make about plumbers that don't have to be nasty.  Heck, you could even talk about plumber's crack and it would be less disgusting than talking about your "wet spot." 

Who DOES that?  Side note:  this van was spotted in Pekin.  That does not surprise me.