Meet my husband (or, in this case, Exhibit A)
In fact, this photo may explain the upcoming story.
My husband was raised in a rural area outside of Peoria. Not nearly as rural as Ridgetopia, but rural nonetheless. (Yes, that was a sentence fragment. Don't think I missed it.) One would think, even growing up in a "country" environment, he would be wise to the ways of standard shipping practices. You would be wrong. Must be that fresh country air.
Last week, we missed a scheduled delivery from FedEx. We got one of those annoying sign-the doorknocker-and-retape (because some of us cannot properly read the instructions and have already broken the tape)-to-your-door-we'll-be-back-tomorrow-hope-it's-not-raining-thankssomuch-FedEx deals. Fanfreakingtastic. And it was raining the next day...and we were scheduled to be out of town. AWESOME!
The package was a Christmas present for me so, naturally, I was trying my hardest:
1. Not to open it and retape it before Adam got home
2. To restrain myself from googling/reverse whitepage searching the mysterious return address
3. To make sure when it DID arrive, it was taken care of and not damaged by Mother Nature's bitchy tricks.
I called Adam to explain that we'd missed the package but FedEx would bring it back the next day. There was a long pause...and then my normally common sensical husband proved legions of teachers wrong by asking what is certainly deemed a stupid question (like Santa....they DO exist!).
Adam: So...does UPS deliver FedEx?
Me: (Long pause) (Hysterical laughter) WHAT?
Adam: Ok, asshole, I know they are 2 different companies...but does the UPS man ever deliver packages for FedEx?
Me: (More hysterical, silent teared, laughing)
Adam: (Hangs up)
He later informed me that he is "not a moron," it's just that he's never SEEN the FedEx man...so he couldn't be sure if he really exists.
You know, kind of like how we keep getting new Tupac songs?
No comments:
Post a Comment