Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Woot Woot!

Short blog today.

Quick update for those of you following my weight-loss progress:

I am happy to say I finally dropped below the 200 lb. mark. Woohoo!

I haven't lost as much weight as quickly as the last time, but that's ok. I feel a lot better and am much happier. Even 5 lbs. makes a difference.

The visible difference in stomach bloating is probably my favorite part. No more looking pregnant!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Games Rednecks Play

I love the Sheriff's Report!

Only 3 seriously amusing additions today:

8-16, 12:33 am, Chandlerville: driver throwing fireworks out of car at houses
-Who does that?? I know Chandlerville isn't the height of entertainment, but come on! If this isn't a good example of why parents should spank their kids, I don't know what is. This kid needed a good ass whooping way back when.


8-16, 5:46 pm, Bath: report of possible suspicious activity on a bulldozer
-What could you possibly be doing that is "suspicious" on a bulldozer? This is just weird.


8-16, 6:07 pm, Manito: girls on bicycles messing with caller's mailboxes
-Again...are kids seriously THAT bored?

Also seen in Topeka this afternoon: a man riding his motorcycle with a chocolate lab in the sidecar. Strange...


All information taken from The Mason County Democrat 8-26 issue

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Madness

I don't know what's up in the Peoria Journal-Star newsroom...but it's becoming apparent that they're hating on farmers more and more. It really pisses me off, to be frank. Not only because they are my former employer and (no matter how much I hate them) I believe they can and should do better, not only because my husband is a farmer, but also because I am a resident of the farm communities these derogatory articles speak of.

As a member of the communities and residents being villainized in the media, and a former resident of the communities and residents being unwittingly patronized by these ridiculous articles, I feel it is my responsibility to speak up.

Before I go further, let me reiterate that we are not organic farmers. We are not looking to become organic farmers. We have no issues with organic farmers and, in fact, wish them success in their endeavors.

Last week's Sunday PJS featured 2 front page articles bemoaning the horrors that are crop dusting. They interviewed people who live near farms and have, supposedly, experienced negative side effects from their farming neighbors using crop dusting to spread herbicide and fungicide on their corn. They whined and bitched about the terrible chemical known as 2,4 D. They complained that they were given no prior notification that the farmers crops were going to be sprayed. They complained it was hurting their business ventures. They were upset that TWO children in the entire area became ill after a neighboring farm was dusted.

Knowing nothing about farming, chemicals, herbicides, fungicides, fertilizers and crop dusting...this may all sound truly horrific. Sick kids, surprise low flying planes, damage to a business, etc etc.

But let's all unknot our panties and get our facts straight (in that order).

Number one on my list: Mackinaw Winery. Yes I'm calling you out, you idiots.
The owner, Greg Hahn, was quoted as being quite upset that crop dusting on the farm next to his vineyard had killed or at least damaged some of his grapes. I'm sure that's true. Grapes are one of the easiest plants to kill, especially in the local climate. They are rather temperamental and very high-maintenance. I'd like to note that there is a local winery who also grows their grapes locally, who hasn't had this problem. Their grapes are in a location that isn't so close to farmland. Smart.

If someone came and killed off a bunch of my corn, I'm sure I'd be pretty angry too. But if said corn was planted right next to a driving range, and the reason it died was that it got hit by too many golf balls...would anyone really feel sorry for me? Wouldn't it be my fault for planting corn next to the driving range? So why should anyone feel sorry for Greg Hahn and his grapes?

Number two: the people complaining that they didn't have advance warning of nearby fields being crop dusted.
Anyone who has ever been present during a crop dusting knows, you do not need advance warning. The first time I was home while our crops were being sprayed, I had no idea it was going to be any different than any other day. I had no idea anything was going to happen. No advance warning of any kind. When the crop dusting plane flew over our house (they fly low so as not to waste any of the chemicals they're spraying via chemical drift) I started crying. It scared the piss out of me. The plane was so low, it sounded like we were being bombed. I hit the floor, the dog freaked out, it was quite pathetic, looking back. Once I got off the floor and looked up, saw the plane out the window, I calmed down and that was the end of it. Why would I have needed advance warning? If you can't hear that plane coming well ahead of its arrival, you need to have your hearing checked.
Also, what good would it do if you did have advance warning? If you knew it was coming up, what would change? You shouldn't be outside in an area being sprayed, so if you hear it coming, go inside. I cannot think of a single instance where a person would be required to remain outside even though the fields are being sprayed.

This leads me to my next point: Sick kids from chemical drift
First off, a whopping TWO children were sick from chemical drift last year. TWO. They probably have the most stupid parents in the world as well. Also, for those who aren't clear, when the media says they were "sick," they make it sound like sick with leukemia. Not true. It's more like a sore throat, perhaps a little woozy for a day or 2. You could have those symptoms from going to preschool, the grocery store or being in contact with your own family members.
What I can't figure out, is why these kids were still outside after the crop dusting. Again, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to hear these planes. Even if you couldn't, it smells SO BAD after they're done spraying, that there's no way kids would want to stay outside. Just catching a little whiff with my screen door open, I thought I might pass out. WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?! Why did their parents/sitters/whoever not make these kids come inside? The scent goes away in a few hours, I'm sure those kids would have loved to have a legit excuse to come out of the heat and play video games for awhile. I would have made my dog come inside, if it weren't for the fact that she beat me to it. If my golden retriever is smart enough to come in...why isn't your kid?
Then there's that pesky issue of common denominator fault. If you build a house next to a farm, isn't it really your own fault if you experience any chemical drift? If you don't want to deal with it, move back to the suburbs where they most sensory offensive thing sprayed is lilac Febreeze.

Finally, complaints about the "horrible chemicals" in general:
If you want to buy organic, please do. It won't hurt my feelings. But please quit ruining food for the rest of us. In my opinion, unless you are a scientist, farmer or the like, your opinion does not count. Yet none of those people seem to be the ones clogging the media with senseless babble about chemicals. When you work for the FDA, USDA, EPA or CDC, then I will be interested in your opinion.

I've said it before, and I'll say it a million times after this, it should not be a moral issue whether you eat organic or non-organic. It should not be a moral issue how you farm. Farmers are not out to kill the rest of us with their evil chemicals, fertilizers and the like. Farmers, like any other decent human being, stop doing things if it's hurting people. Farmers would be out of business if they were poisoning us all with their food crops.

Farmers are in a thankless, vilified and, more than anything, overlooked occupation. I'd like everyone to really think about where they would be if every farmer decided they wanted a job with a desk, no manual labor, A/C, 9-5 hours, health benefits, promotions, raises, and best of all: the ability to leave their work at work. Instead of complaining about the prices of food (which farmers -contrary to popular belief - have ZERO control over) and the chemicals used to grow it, be thankful that there are people out there who are willing to forgo the comforts of a desk job so you can have food year-round.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Sheriff's Report Strikes Again

I know people might be getting sick of hearing about the Sheriff's Report, but it brings me so much joy that I can't help reposting.

When I moved to this area, I thought the locals were pretty much anti-police. As these "complaints" pile up, however, I'm starting to wonder if maybe the exact opposite is true.

All of these complaints are taken from The Mason County Democrat's 8-19 issue.

8-4, 11:14 pm, Forest City: prowler or something is smacking the house. (Perhaps a tree branch? I love the prowler "or something" is "smacking" the house. I don't imagine too many burglars --or "somethings"--go around smacking the house to alert you of their presence...)

8-5, 9:02 am, Rural Havana: cows on the road. (Does it mean I've lived here too long if cows on the road doesn't seem like a worthwhile issue for the police to handle?)

8-6, 5:54 pm, Rural Easton: report a man walking on the road. (Again...what's the problem?)


These last few I just think are funny.

8-8 10:07 am, Mason City: theft- an ash tray (Looks like we've got a crime spree on our hands, people!)

8-9 at 12:07 am, Rural Topeka: complaint about people talking (Oh no! Not talking! Those felonious bastards!)

8-9 at 5:57 pm, Mason City: Theft of $20, when the subject was confronted about she was chased with a bat (Ben Folds says, give me my money back, you bitch!)

8-10 at 7:24 pm, Mason City: animal complaint- dying squirrel in yard (There are no words.)

Surely the police officers have better things to do than run the gut wagon, right?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Mr. X, With the Paper Towels, In the Bathroom

There's a little mystery going on at Adam's shop this week. I'm not sure I really want to solve it.

We have our annual mid-year meeting w/ the tax man coming up soon, so Bella and I headed over to the shop/office to do some accounting. Apparently Bella got bored while I was working, and headed into the shop bathroom for some fun.

I happened to walk past the bathroom later and saw that her "fun" included attacking the contents of the bathroom trash can. Which, of course, means extra work for me, because you know Adam's not gonna be on his hands and knees cleaning anything!

As I stoop down to pick up the pieces of shredded paper towels, I start to notice that some of the shreds have a strange, brown, kinda gritty smear on them. With the amount of dirt, oil and machine grease coming through that shop, I didn't think much of it at first. But the more prevalent the strangely colored shreds became, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe it wasn't something a little worse than dirt, oil or grease.

To steal from the always-quotable Billy Madison: "It's poop again!"

This realization leaves me with several questions:
1. Who wipes with a paper towel?
2. Who wipes and throws it in the trash can?
3. Who wipes and throws it in the trash can and then doesn't get rid of the trash? I can promise you I have never thrown used toilet paper in a trash can, especially not at someone's home or place of business, but if I did, AND it was an open trash can, you'd better believe I'd be takin out the trash. Gross.

So now that I've cleaned this damn mess up, all I can think about is whodunit.
As far as I can tell there are only 2 suspects (since I know it wasn't me!): Adam and our farm hand. Most likely Adam, because he'd do it and think it was funny, plus our farm hand is a really clean guy. So I straight up asked Adam about it. He had no idea.

The plot thickens.

I still cannot bring myself to suspect our farm hand, it's just not his way, so now I'm stumped. I thought and thought about who else had even been in the office lately.

Then it hit me.

Adam and I have been tearing up the old house's bathroom to prepare for new renters. Since we had to rip EVERYTHING out (save for one cabinet), we had to shut off the water. No water, no toilet. Adam and I haven't done all of this work ourselves, however; we've had help from several people.

Here's what we think happened. Person X was helping out w/ the renovations and needed a bathroom break. Since there was no working toilet at the old house, Adam went to our house and Person X went to the shop. Person X realized, probably a little too late (mid-dump?), that there was a TP shortage, and used the next best thing available: paper towels. (A little PT for some TP, if you will.) Post-wipe, they were probably concerned that the PT would not flush, so they threw it in the trash can. (I'm still trying to imagine that scene. Standing there with a shitty paper towel (SPT) in your hand, contemplating what to do. Talk about a bad day.) Days later, Bella comes in and shreds it up (talk about covering your tracks--or skid marks) and I find the crime scene.

I am NOT down with the S.P.T.
Yeah you know me.

Moral of the story: TP needs to remain the catcher. PT should stay where it belongs: the DL.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Better Late than Never

My favorite highlights from the 8-5 Mason County Democrat's Sheriff's Report:

- 5 complaints about 4-wheelers or golf carts (including one complaining 4 wheelers were being driven on the road. Is that really illegal?)
- 2 complaints about irrigators spraying on the road (how is this any different than rain? and what are the police supposed to do about it?)

And, of course, the randoms:

-7-23, 5:21 pm, Mason City, complaint about juvenile throwing rocks and urinating in the yard

-7-26, 4:59 am, Topeka, theft- gave a lady a ride home in a cab and now the lady can't pay her.
--First of all, who owns a cab service in Topeka? Seriously! If anyone knows, please fill me in. Secondly, if they're not from Topeka, the nearest "city" is Pekin, which's 30 miles away. No wonder the cab driver was pissed off. That's a $50 cab ride!

-7-26, 1:41 pm, San Jose, found a dog that appears to be someone's pet.
--Props to these people for attempting to help this dog, BUT...why would you call the police for a found dog? Either call the pound, the vet, or the no-kill shelter. The cops have crimes to solve. People are so retarded.

-7-26, 8:13 pm, Manito, complaint that there are juveniles at her house drinking and she wants them gone by the time she gets home.
--WTF? How do you know they're there drinking if you're not home? Did your neighbor call you at work or something? Why don't you go home and kick them out yourself? Who are these people anyway? Are they your kids? Seems like calling the police just adds to the problem.

-7-26, 9:11 pm, Manito, theft-stealing corn.
--This is absolutely random. Who steals corn? Seriously. Also, who has the eagle eyes to see people stealing it out of a huge cornfield? Props to whoever those neighbors are!




(All info courtesy of The Mason County Democrat)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The fat lady's aria

The sky has fallen, the end is near.

Adam knew a word I didn't.

It wasn't even related to farming.

We started back on hard core phase 1 of South Beach, as of Monday morning. Monday evening we were in Peoria and trying to figure out where we could eat dinner and have more options than a garden salad. Harder than one might think. White bread is EVERYWHERE!

I was near meltdown status, because everything I wanted included flour, pasta, fries, etc. Finally, I narrowed it down to 2 choices, but could not decide.

Adam said, "Well, you'll get more 'utils' out of the chicken."

I started cracking up. WTF are utils? It sounds like noodles but with a u. Sounds like a made-up word, if you ask me. He proceeded to inform me that they're a unit of measurement regarding enjoyment.

All throughout dinner, I could not focus on anything but this mystery word, which I still didn't believe was actually a word. By the time we got in the car, I had to bust out the blackberry and find out once and for all. Dictionary.com had no listings, but the thesaurus sure did. He was absolutely right.

Unfreakingbelievable.

He thought it was fantastic and decided he would start reading the thesaurus every day just to find a vocab word I don' t know. Ass.