Clean up, aisle 4

It's been forever since I blogged, so here's a random assortment of things I've been thinking about lately.

1. 200 lbs on the dot! Hey, it's only 3 lbs, but HEY IT'S 3 LBS! Woot!

Ty, skip #2

2. The ring worked! I've never had a pill work on the first try, but the ring did. Woot!

3. Here's how stupid I am. I was cleaning out our old house to prepare for renters, which included steam cleaning the carpet. I was setting up some new box fans to speed the drying process, and hopefully eliminate the molding process but, apparently, this box fan had feet. I think they all do, but at the time I was mystified. So what do I do? SIT ON THE WET FLOOR to try and figure out how these stupid feet go on the fan. The phrase "what's up your butt?" took on a whole new meaning...because I had sand up my butt, and let me tell you...that shit hurts. Talk about a raw crack. More importantly, talk about a dirty floor. Gross.

4. Every so often, I check out the local paper, The Mason County Democrat. I have never seen a paper that prints the "sheriff's report." The Sheriff's Report includes 911 calls, tickets, emergencies and the like. Here are some excerpts from the 5/27 edition.

"5/12 at 8:48 am: Rural Easton, suspicious man coming into yard."
"5-12 at 5:34 pm: Forest City, report that someone tried to abduct her child."
"5-13 at 3:51 am: Manito, suspicious vehicle 'shinning' light around." Yes, that's right, shinning, not shining. This new lingo appears more than once. God forbid a newspaper have spell check.
"5-14 at 8:47 am: Rural Havana, assist motorist whose 'care' broke down." Should we send a Care Bear?
My personal favorite, however, is this one:
"5/16 at 1:26 pm: Rural Topeka, complaint about 15 tractors on blacktop, 15-20 people on a trailer drinking, tractors are passing each other."
That, my friends, is my first appearance in the sheriff's report. It was the annual poker run. Most people who passed us waved (or waved their own beer cans...) as they passed us by. No one was causing any trouble and, as I said, this has been going on for about 8 years now. Wouldn't you have loved to hear the 911 operator on the other end of that call. "Well sir/ma'am, I was actually supposed to be on the poker run myself, but I had to work, so instead I'm talking to you." There were probably 60 people on the poker run. If the police really cared that this event goes on, there's been 8 years that they could've shut it down, not to mention...it's pretty easy to track down a line of 15 tractors pulling trailers. Give me a break.

There was 1 good ticket in the sheriff's report as well.
"5/16: (name removed) San Jose, no insurance, disobeyed stop sign, leaving the scene of property damage accident, failure to report accident to police, too fast for conditions-accident." Sounds like someone's going to have a bad day in court!
(all information taken from the Mason County Democrat 5/27 issue)


5. The past week has turned up some good quotes, for entertainment purposes only.

At Larry's last week:

Adam: "Well when you don't want anyone else to eat them, you chew it up and spit it out, then no one can re-sell it." I guess he was talking about wings...but that's not what it sounds like to me!

Ty: How's the house coming, Keri?
Keri: My house is fine, I'm almost done unpacking.
Randy: OUR house.
Keri: What I meant is, my house, which is located right next to Randy's shed.

Lauren H: Just so you know, I love Dick's. (the sporting goods store, of course...)

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Updates!

Have you ever tried to have a garage sale? How about a garage sale while you're still drunk from the night before? Welcome to my Saturday morning. It was not pretty. God bless Jan for coming over and helping out (aka saving my ass)! I forgot to get change, forgot to get a cash box, forgot to set an alarm to wake up and show up...though I miraculously did wake up in time...and the list goes on. Wow. We did make $300 though, so that was awesome...especially considering 95% of the stuff is still there! I guess I'll be having another sale, hopefully a sober one.

I went to Target this afternoon to pick up a bookshelf that my husband INSISTED would fit in the trunk of my Camry last night (nevermind the fact that it's over 6 ft. tall), despite my protests to the contrary...needless to say, I was right. Not really a sweet victory when I'm the one who has to go back to Peoria and pick it up. Whatever. Since I used to work there in high school, there are still several people who recognize me when I stop by. Usually, this is a good thing. Today, one of them asked me if I was pregnant. UNBELIEVABLE! On a positive note, at least they thought I'd put a crib on hold (instead of a bookshelf) and that's why they were asking, but apparently, until I clarified, Target was all abuzz with the status of my ovaries. Target gossip. Some things never change.

Weak stomached individuals (Ty!) stop reading here.

Speaking of my ovaries, I'm now using the ring, and it's not bad at all. Insertion was a little awkward, but not terrible. You truly cannot feel it, which I honestly did not expect. No suicidal thoughts, puking, blood clots, or terrible migraines so far! Thank God. We'll see how the removal goes in a couple weeks. Still think that could be a tad not fun. Oh well.

South Beach did not go super great last week. Still lost .2 lbs...but it should have been more. Perhaps it had something to do with my drunken binge at the Stag. Moron.

This is a TMI post.

I'm really looking for feedback here, people.

As many of you know, I have a very sporadic period, to say the least. When my last job was really stressing me out, my period stopped for 6 months. That's enough to cause heart palpitations!

I've taken a lot of different pills to fix this problem and none of them seem to work. It all started after 2 years on Yaz. The latest idea is to give me generic progestin to see if that will at least induce a period and, whether it does or not, I basically have 2 choices left.
1. A higher-dose hormone birth control pill (my last one was already higher than Yaz)
2. NuvaRing (aka "the ring") birth control ring

I opted for the ring. My grandma was recently diagnosed w/ stage 4 breast cancer, so I'd like to avoid any extra hormones. I'm still a little apprehensive about the ring though...so those of you who've had it, used it, heard about it...fill me in! I've heard great things, but the whole putting it in and taking it out deal kinda grosses me out...and all the people I know who use it have also always used the applicator-less tampons...so I'm not sure I trust their opinions about how gross/weird it is.

Speaking of weird...the gyno who gave me the ring samples (which come in a little blue clutch, btw - hilarious!) told me they are kept in the fridge, because it prolongs their shelf life, but to make sure I take them out a day in advance so they can warm up, otherwise that could be quite a shock. Can you imagine coming to my house, looking for mustard or something in the fridge, and finding a freakin jelly bracelet looking pack of birth control rings? That thought alone had me laughing for hours. The gyno also told me you can go to the nuvaring website and sign up for them to send you a text or email reminder when it's time to take the ring out after 3 weeks. I'm having flashbacks of college classes where girls set up their phones w/ birth control alarms and they'd go off in the middle of a lecture. In a room of 500 people, it's quite noticeable and, I'd imagine, embarrassing. The worst part was, these bimbos would actually have their backpack AND purse, just so they could carry around the damn birth control pills, and they would actually bust out the pill pack and take one in the middle of class when the damn alarm went off. Not that anyone should be embarrassed about taking birth control, but for crying out loud, I don't want to know which freaking people are taking it and which ones aren't! Can you not leave them at home and take them before bed? Or maybe you're not home at night to take them, sneaky bitches! But I digress...

Anyway, thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Helpful information!?