South Beach, Day 1

201.6

TWO HUNDRED ONE POINT SIX POUNDS!

It seems a lot worse when you spell it out.

That is embarrassing.

Now, at the risk that I'm about to offend someone who weighs as much or more than me, let me add this disclaimer:
Any comments made about this number (my weight) are strictly in regards to ME, and should be regarded as such. ME. My height, frame, size, etc. ME. Not anyone else. Me. Ok. :)

Whew. Now I can "tell you how I really feel." Have I mentioned that I think that is one of the dumbest phrases I've ever heard? It annoys me just from a literal standpoint...because whenever someone says "tell me how you really feel," I usually just have. And yes, I get the sarcasm/irony and that that's why people say it. It's still stupid and redundant. Much like this blog some days... :)

So, here's how I really feel:
-Disgusted with myself
-Embarrassed that I let it go this far
-Curious about how long it will take to dump all this weight back off
-Shocked that I have gained 80 pounds since high school graduation. 80. EIGHTY. 8-0. Holy shit! (Granted, as anyone who knew me then can attest, I was so thin that several people thought I might have a problem...so I needed to gain a little weight...guess I took that a little too far, huh?)

I've never read The Secret, but I do believe in the power of positive thinking and "positive self-talk," so I'm done beating myself up about being a lazy fat ass now. :)

In some ways, I'm actually really fortunate that I used to be excruciatingly thin and can remember what it's like. I see so many women who have struggled with weight issues their entire lives, and they have no idea what it's like to have FUN shopping, because things actually fit you, and don't cling to your belly button. (Man does that suck. I am so fucking sick of seeing my belly button through all my shirts, I could scream! There are not enough spanx in the world to hold that sucker in.) Anyway, I imagine it would be extra hard to stay motivated when you have worked so hard for so long and gotten nowhere...especially having no real idea what it's like once you lose the weight. At least I KNOW how much better it will be and can use that to my advantage.

Talking about spanx reminds me...I read an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow after one of her children was born, and she was talking about how she looked so good after having a baby...she was wearing one spanx on top of the other...under EVERY outfit.

Let me reiterate...Gwyneth Paltrow, one of the thinnest women on Earth is wearing two sets of spanx with every outfit. And her photos get airbrushed before we see them. If that doesn't make you feel a little better about yourself, I don't know what will.

Day 2 is coming shortly, pray for me.