Stupid Celebrity "News"

People.com is at it again. This time, with 2 irrelevant stories camouflaged amongst actual news.

Here are yesterday's headlines:

-Office Star Jenna Fischer is engaged
-Liz Taylor not going to MJ's memorial because she believes he wouldn't have wanted her to be part of that circus
-The Cruises go to Australia--not necessaaaaaaarily news, but Suri is cute and played with kangaroos, so I can let that one go.

*BREAKING NEWS*

Marissa Jaret Winokur: My Close Encounter With a Minibar

Seriously? First of all, who has a close encounter with a minibar? If I'm near the minibar, it's not a close encounter, it's a drunk encounter. Secondly, this Marissa Jaret Winokur is seriously starting to get on my nerves. French fries, mini bar, watch out here comes the Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance!

Secondary news headlines:
-Who will perform at MJ's memorial?
-Anna Paquin: Nude scenes easier w/ real life beau (no shit)
-Bret Michaels' tour bus hit in crash
-AI judge Kara DioGuardi weds in Maine

*MORE BREAKING NEWS*
Whose hair cut is hotter: Zac Efron or Chace Crawford? Ok, seriously? HOW DOES THIS MAKE THE NEWS? We can't actually get a list of performers at MJ's memorial because we're too busy voting on whose hair is hotter! Even more ironic is that no dude is looking at this site and going, oh, well, if people.com readers say so, I must cut my hair like Chace if I want to get the ladies!

(If I had to vote, Chace would win, because that retarded pomade-bangs-to-the-forehead thing Zac's got going on is greasy and ridiculous.)