I'm 27, yipee-ki-yay.

If anyone wonders why it's sometimes 2-3 weeks between blogs, it isn't because I don't write.  I write a lot of things that never get posted.  Sometimes because they're inappropriate, sometimes because I don't even mean them--I just need to get something off my chest.  But sometimes, despite my doubts, I actually do publish them.  This is one of those blogs.

Yesterday was my 27th birthday. 

I LOVE birthdays.  Especially MY birthday.  Now Christmas is my "favorite" holiday.  It has its own songs, decorations, food and drinks, church services and celebration in general.  If my birthday had its own songs, decor, food and drinks, it would be my favorite holiday instead.  Also, it's a little more PC to say Christmas is your favorite than admitting that really your birthday is the best.  :)

I don't understand people who don't like their birthday.  Well, I should say I didn't understand.  Normally my thought process regarding birthdays goes a little something like this: it's the ONE day every year when it's all about YOU and no one can call you selfish or arrogant for thinking so.  Who doesn't love that?!

Then yesterday rolled around. 

Adam woke me up and wanted to give me one of my gifts.  I was really excited, so I scrambled around for my contacts, ran into the living room and waited.  He hands me an envelope.  All I could think is..."what kind of present fits into an envelope?  It better not be a gift card!"  Inside the envelope were 4 deer permits.  DEER PERMITS!  Was this a joke?  Does he really think we're going to start some new kind of "couples activity," hunting together?  I don't have a gun, a FOID card, a hunting license, hunting clothes...or, most importantly, ANY DESIRE TO HUNT ANIMALS.  My confusion and disillusionment must have been written all over my face because Adam was cracking up by this point. 

He meant it as a joke.  When he signed me up (for land owner's permits and regular permits), he intended to use my tags in addition to his own (call the game warden!)...only he quickly realized 3 things:
1.   The govt. isn't stupid.  Since I don't have a FOID card or license, he can't use my tags and neither can I (as if I wanted to). 
2. Since he signed me up for landowner's permits, I'm going to get those every year from now on, INSTEAD OF HIM because....
3. When he signed me up, it kicked him out of the system for Mason County and he can no longer legally hunt deer in Mason County because it gave me permits instead of him.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

#3 alone made the early wakeup call worth it and then some. 

Unfortunately, he had to go to work right after that. 

It wasn't until he was gone for awhile that I had a major realization.  And not in a good way. 

Like I said, I debated posting this, and truthfully, as I'm typing, I'm still debating. This is intensely personal and the last thing I want is a pity party. But, here goes nothin'.

For some stupid reason, it never hit me how alone I am out here...until yesterday.  I've never EVER, not in my entire life EVER, spent my birthday alone.  I was either in school, with roommates, parents or siblings, or at work w/ my co-workers, who always make a big deal over birthdays since everything else about PJS blows.  Never been sitting at home, alone, with no plans and nothing to do.  Man, that was depressing.  So naturally, I started thinking about the fact that this particular day is really no different than any other day...which only made me feel worse.

Ridge living is a hard life.  And I didn't know it until now.  It doesn't matter how nice your house is, or how much stuff you have in it.  It doesn't matter if you're married, single, working or not working.  Ridge living is a hard life.  There is NOTHING here.  I guess I was always so happy to have a good marriage and finally have friends locally that I never realized how lonely this way of life can be.  Or how dependant my happiness is on having people around me.  How ironic that on the one day of the year when everyone is supposed to be paying attention to me, I feel the most lonely.  PA-thetic! 

To be totally honest, I spent most of the day crying, stopping only for texts, phone calls, cards in the mail and nice birthday FB messages.  Even Dr. Phil had me crying...and you know that's bad, because I love me some Dr. Phil!  So when I say that it really meant a lot for all of you to call, text, send cards and come out for my birthday, please know that it REALLY REALLY meant a lot.  I cannot even verbally express how much.  Thank you. 

Luckily, I did get to go to Grizzly's Mallard Club (if that's not birthday-quality fine dining, I don't know what is!) and have an AWESOME pizza and drinks with our friends.  Even bad days have something worth celebrating.  That's the lesson I learned from all of this. 

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering, Adam did get me an actual gift, not just deer permits.  Tomorrow morning, I am heading to Peoria to Natural Concepts for an "ultimate relaxation" spa package, which includes a 60 minute facial, 90 minute hot stone massage and a pedicure.  I've never had a facial before, so I'm kind of nervous...but mostly really excited! 

Even bad days have something worth celebrating.  Always.